Blame Gravity

Chapter 24

The next day, detention is boring, the pitch goes well, and the entire week is just a blur of boredom and repetition.

When it's finally the weekend, I study all day, but I'm such a frustrated mess that I can't concentrate. I can't stop thinking about James and Mike and their fight, and James' 'false hope', and just everything. And I don't understand my feelings for him, which I thought was hate, but it turns out to be different than that, because when you hate someone you don't want to know if they're okay, and you don't want to kiss them and put your arms around them and make sure they feel alright. That's not hate. I hoped it was, but I'm not dumb enough to not know it's something else.

And I'm also confused about Mike, and his fight with James, and why he was so possessive and mean. Our dates were absolutely amazing and wonderful and pleasant, even this week, and that's why I don't understand that fight with James. Why did he make such a big deal out of a fucking jacket? It's not like he doesn't have a reason to be jealous, but he doesn't know that. And now I'm even more scared because if he finds out about me and James, he'll definitely kill him, like in my nightmare.

And at night I can't sleep. After two hours of overthinking I text James. I need him right now.

Lucy: Hey. You up?

He answers in less than a minute.

James: Hey, yeah. U should sleep, tho.

Lucy: I can't. 

Neither of us says anything for a while. I collect all my courage, swallow my pride, and text him what I wanted.

Lucy: Can you come over, maybe?

He doesn't answer for a while, and I start typing a long message about how it's not him I wanted to send it to and never mind, which are obviously lies when he finally answers.

James: Sure. Omw.

I sigh and put my phone down. I don't think this is a good idea, but I really need someone to talk to, and I'm a terrible texter. And a phone call would wake up my parents. So I think I'll just get in his car and then we can drive around. I get dressed and then wait in front of the window.

After about 20 minutes I see him pull over, and I wave at him from the window and run downstairs.

As soon as I get downstairs I open the door and run to his car. I sit down, and I only look at him after a few seconds.

"Hi," I whisper.

"Hey," he says, and we lock eyes for a moment, but I'm too shy to keep eye contact. He starts driving.

"Where'd you wanna go?" he asks, not looking at me.

"It doesn't matter. I just need someone to talk to."

He nods. 

"I'm sorry if I woke you up," I say. "And sorry for making you come over, I just..."

"Hey, it's okay," he says softly and he finally glances at me. He looks very handsome in the pale moonlight, and I feel my cheeks heat and look away.

He takes me to McDonald's and we get a milkshake. He pays for it, and I insist on paying him back, but he refuses. After that, we just walk around while sipping our milkshakes, only the glow of streetlights and the sound of trams and lonely cars passing accompanying us. It's almost magical, talking as loud as we want, not having to worry about people overhearing what we say.

"Do you think aliens exist?" he asks.

"I mean, there is a great chance that we are not the only form of life in the universe. There are lots of planets that could potentially host living creatures, not just Earth. So, technically, yes, I think aliens do definitely exist, although I don't think we'll ever have a definitive answer, since, by the time these aliens develop technology with which they could reach us and actually reach us, the human species will probably be extinct due to nuclear war, global warming, or famine."

He nods. "Exactly what I thought. See, we can agree on things," He playfully nudges my shoulder, and I can't help but laugh.

"You're so stupid," I whisper. The phrase has more turned into a mantra to convince me about something rather than an insult.

I just know that he's smiling, and when I look at him, I see I was right. It's incredibly difficult not to kiss him, and finally, I give in to the urge. We stop walking, and he kisses me back, resting his hands on my waist, while I put my hands on his shoulders. There's some sort of innocent magic in this that I felt when I first kissed him at that party. The world seems to slow; there's a gentleness in his touch that I haven't felt in a while.

He breaks contact for a moment, which makes me wince. "I... I thought we would forget about this," he whispers.

"I thought that as well," I breathe into his mouth, "But I can't."

He slightly shakes his head and smiles, our noses touching. "Me neither." He kisses me, just as careful as before. God, I could stand here forever, kissing him. 

After what feels like only a second, but what was probably ten minutes, he breaks away and kisses my forehead when I whimper, wanting that warm feeling. "Let's finish our drinks, alright?" he says softly, lightly smiling. I nod, and we finish our milkshakes.

We walk back to his car, and when we're inside the vehicle, I kiss him again, and I move to his lap, wanting to be closer to him. 

But after a minute, he pulls away again, breath hitched, smiling at me sweetly.

"What's wrong?" I ask, unable to breathe.

"It's just..." He tries to catch his breath. "You're so cute when you're like this."

I blush, and I kiss him again to avoid the discomfort. 

After a while, I get out of his lap, and to my request, he drives me home.

When we're in front of my house, we stay silent next to each other for a while. 

"I... I think I should go," I whisper, and am about to get out of the car, but his voice stops me.

"Please don't. Don't go yet." His voice sounds like he's about to cry, and when I look at him, I see he has tears in his eyes. He's trying his best to look away and thus hide them, but I still see it.

I cup his face in my hand and turn his head toward me. "Hey, what's wrong?" He doesn't answer. "Tell me. Please."

"I... I just..." He doesn't make eye contact. His eyes are glistening from the tears. "It's just that... I don't want you to be a little secret or something like that, because you deserve so much better than that. Any girl deserves better than that, but especially you." He sniffs and seems to hesitate for a moment. "And you deserve so much better than him."

My heart aches when I see him sad. "It's okay. Everything is gonna be fine," I whisper, but I'm on the verge of crying myself. He's right. This is not okay. None of this is okay. None of these feelings are okay. "Just don't cry. I don't know what to do when someone cries."

He lets out a laugh at that, and he finally looks me in the eye. I put my arms around him and hold him close. Now I'm comforting him. Oh, how the turned tables have- eh...

"I have to go now, okay?" I whisper. "I'll call you."

He nods and kisses my forehead. I give him a quick peck on the lips and step out of the car. I wave at him as he drives away, smiling until my cheeks hurt. Eventually, I go inside.