Blame Gravity

Chapter 8*

What the fuck am I doing?

I'm kissing James! I have a boyfriend, for fuck's sake! And yet I can't resist...

He stays still for a moment, then kisses me back, gentle as ever. It seems like an eternity before he pulls back, and I wince, wanting that comfort that only he can bring me.

"Lucy..." he whispers. There's something in his eyes that's different than usual. What is it?

"I'm... I'm sorry..." I say. "I didn't mean to..."

"No, it's..." 

Neither of us knows what to say. 

"I should-" He kisses me, rougher than before, probably angry at himself for feeling this way. 

We stumble to his bed, not breaking contact, and I push him down, now on top of him. 

What am I doing? I should stop! 

I can't, though. 

He pulls away and studies me. "What are you... doing?"

"I..." I stay silent for a moment, catching my breath. "I don't know." We stare at each other before I kiss him again. 

He rolls on top of me, and our lips clash. I tug at his shirt, signaling him to take it off, wanting more of him, wanting all of him. This is so wrong. This is so wrong, and yet it feels so good. He takes his shirt off and starts unbuttoning my cardigan, not breaking contact. I shrug it off, and for a moment, I realize all I have on is my bra, and I feel self-conscious, but his rough kisses make me forget about it. We unbutton each others' pants. I feel something heating between my legs at his touch.

He breaks contact again. For fuck's sake, James, just go with it!

"Are you... are you sure?" he asks, breathing heavily.

You know what, I need this. I need this to get it out of my system, and then I can forget about him. I've been good my whole life, how about one afternoon where I'm not?

I nod. "Yes, I am."

He studies me for a long moment, then nods, and takes something out of his bedside drawer. I look away, too shy to actually look at him. It feels like an eternity before he's back on top of me. He kisses me gently. 

"If... if you aren't comfortable with something or you want me to stop, just... tell me, okay?" he says. 

I nod, only wanting him, fully surrendering to my impulses.

After a moment, I feel him inside of me, and it hurts like shit. My nails dig into his back.

"Fuck," he mutters under his breath. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I say, trying to hold back tears.

"You sure?"

"Can you shut up, please?" 

He nods, and kisses my neck, making me forget about the pain. He goes slow, careful not to hurt me any more than it already hurts. After a while, the ache disappears slowly, and I actually notice how nice this is. 

"Faster," I moan. 

He obeys me, and I am incredibly close to finishing. The orgasm comes over me like waves of pleasure, and I can't help but scream. 

He finishes a few seconds later. He rolls off of me, and I stare at the ceiling. What just happened?! I had sex?! With James?!

I had sex with James!

I pull on my cardigan and sit up, unable to look him in the eye.

"You good?" he asks, breath still hitched. 

"Yes," I say, and I finally look at him. Both of us are fully dressed now, and it looks like nothing happened. While something clearly did. I mean, look at us. All red and flushed, breathing like we just ran a marathon, incapable of making eye contact. 

What the fuck?

This isn't how I imagined losing my virginity, but honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. Wait, no, that doesn't seem right.

Reality hits me like a freight train. I have a boyfriend! And I just cheated on him!

"I have to go." I pick up my bag and run out of his room.

"Lucy, wait..." I hear his voice behind me, but I storm out of his house, wanting to get away from this place, this place of sin, this place where I was seduced into fucking my worst enemy.

When I'm in front of his house, I look around.

Where the fuck am I?

"Lucy, wait," He finally catches up to me, still adjusting his belt. "Let me drive you home."

I look at him, his hair still messy, looking at me desperately. I have no other choice, honestly. I mean, I have no idea where I am, I don't know if there's public transportation around here, and he's my best chance at getting home. I nod.

"Fine." I walk to his car, letting him open it. I sit down. My legs still hurt from this little... stunt, or whatever you want to call it.

We drive in silence, and I finally break it. 

"We should forget about this."

He nods, not looking at me. "Yeah. That'd be best."

We stay silent for the rest of the ride. When we get to my house, I jump out of the car and run inside, not even bothering to say bye to him.

I run to my room and look in the mirror. A flushed girl looks back at me, with smeared lipgloss, mascara running down her cheek, and her hair all messed up. I am so angry at her. How could she let this happen? I will never forgive myself for this.

I messed up. 

I messed up real bad.

And I have no idea how to fix it.

A/N Hi! Tysm for reading! If you have any suggestions/tips/ideas please leave them in the comments, I'd also love to hear yall's opinions! Thank you, again! Happy New Year!