Swapped ☹ Muke

09

Dedicated to notamazingmel because she's amazing and told me to update <3

:: Michael ::

"-- since he started dealing with Gordon he got really skinny, and it scares me that one day he's gonna break and self harm or try to kill himself." Came a voice and instantly recognized it as Ashton's.

Ashton was the only person besides my mom that knew.

And he just told somebody I was uncomfortable with about Gordon.

Fuck.

He's going to start judging me, worse than before.

I felt my breathing quicken as I looked around the kitchen, my vision was blurred but I managed to clamber up the stairs and into Luke's room -- normally I would go into my own room and grab Daniel but I didn't want Luke to catch me and go off about how petty I was.

So instead I resorted to his room where I sat in silence, the only sound being my heavy breathing as I tried to calm myself down.

::

I guess it managed to work because I woke up to the sound of the boys screaming along to Year 3000 and cringed at the sound of my own voice -- how I made it in the band, the world may never know. I ignored the pain bubbling in my chest and climbed out of bed and into a black T-shirt and black jeans because it made Luke's figure look nice and that's what he expected.

I looked in the mirror and realized that I'd never done a quiff, "fucking sass queen can deal, I'm only meeting with Liz." I murmured throwing on a grey beanie and looking at his reflection one more feeling a bubble of jealousy.

Why does he get to be attractive? Why couldn't it have been me, why do I have to be the ugly one in the band?

I watched as a single tear slid down Luke's cheek and rapidly shook my head, I wasn't going to let everything get to me. I hurried away from the mirror and down the stairs towards the kitchen where the other boys at around the table laughing about something I was unaware of.

Even in somebody else's body I'm left out.

Why do they hate me so much?

They do everything without me, they go out to parties and don't inform me until they're drunk off their asses, they go to concerts and brag about it and down invite me, hell they all went went I lost my passport -- nobody offered to stay with me to keep me company, though they went out and did everything and people went on about how the concert was better without me.

Why can't I ever be good enough?

"Hey Mikey," Ashton smiled before turning back to the boys and getting back into the conversation as if I weren't there.

I sighed looking down at Luke's phone.

birth giver that slays : I'll be there in ten Lukey (-:

I smiled slightly at the text but remembered that it wasn't directed towards me, nobody would be happy to see me.

My mind remembered Luke's list, don't starve me, but I couldn't help feeling the lurch in my stomach at the thought of food. He wouldn't notice if I skipped a meal or two.

But the smell of bacon and eggs was taunting me, it was mocking me for being so fat -- but Luke's not fat, so why can't I feed him? I could practically hear Gordon in the back of my head whispering about how Luke could lose some weight too, but it wasn't needed because Luke's perfect as he is.

I stepped forward where there was an extra plate on the table and smiled gently at Ashton who tilted his head urging me to eat. So I did, I picked up a slice of bacon and broke it in half, then broke that in half before chewing a small section slowly.

The boys were watching me closely, well except Luke, because he was too busy scarfing down the meal bit by bit making me cringe -- because he was piling greasy food into my body, making me fatter than I already am.

Luckily it didn't last long until his eyes widened and he shot up from the table, apparently it wasn't as good at holding back until he was alone. I bit my lip to keep from smiling and looked down at my plate.

"Dude why the hell are you smiling." Calum scoffed looking at me with dark eyes, I felt intimated in that moment -- he'd never gotten mad at me for getting sick but with Luke in my body he did?

"Because he's getting rid of that fat."

"Are you calling Luke fat because trust me when I tell you that boy is anything but fat, you're fatter than him." Calum screeched standing from his seat.

I shook my head and stood up too, because outside a car horn had honked signaling it was my time to go.

"Hey Calum, Luke's in my body that's why I was happy." I mumbled walking towards the door, "but hey thanks for the reminder that I need to lose weight."

::
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