Swapped ☹ Muke

11

:: Luke ::

Calum's phone rang as he looked at me with an eyebrow raised, I leaned over to look at his screen and groaned seeing the contact name 'Queen Liz' in bold letters. Of course Michael screwed something up, he didn--

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT TITS, CALUM FUCK ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE BEFORE I TIE YOUR BALLS TO A BRIDGE AND THROW YOU OFF YOU FUCKING ASIAN CHODE." I screeched.

He looked at me skeptically but complied, "hello Liz."

"Oh Mic-- Luke did what now?"

He laughed and shook his head.

"How new to be exact?"

"FUCKING HELL THOSE ARE NICE."

"Yeah I'll help pay for new ones, I can't believe he did that."

"Could I ask why he did it?"

"Oh, it's personal okay."

"We'll be there in ten." Calum murmured angling up the phone and leaning towards the table to pick up his keys.

"GUYS WE HAVE TO GO SAVE A PAIR OF BRAND NEW HEELS AND A PUKING MICHAEL."

Look at that -- baby doll can't keep anything down.

I shook my head and followed Calum out to the car with Ashton trailing behind me.

The second we all had sat down we sat in silence, well for a moment before Calum began to laugh uncontrollably for some reason -- I don't see how Michael puking on my moms new shoes is so funny but I guess it is funny when you don't know the reason why.

But I do, I know exactly why he vomited because there's only one explanation -- he knows I'm gay. That has to be his problem, like now he probably thinks I would like him but that's a silly assumption because there's no way that would happen. Like just because I like guys doesn't mean I'll go after anybody and everybody.

Calum finally found it wishing himself to calm down enough to put the key in the ignition and started the car, the radio was off so it was quiet and it was making me uncomfortable -- I leaned forward and pushed the power button as the speakers began to buzz signaling that it was turning on.

"I'm gonna rock this blouse and put a cock in mouth
and get my balls blew out
And gay into the A.M
And lay with eighteen guys naked
and let myself show, let myself show
Buttfuck it, suck it, pull it, tug it
Life's too short to not stroke your bone
So everybody, everybody
Circle jerk, touch my bo--"

I hurried to press the shuffle button.

"I never seen no shit like this,
This bitch can twist like a damn contortionist
Condom on my dick of course it is,
This bitch don't know what abortion is
So I can't cum in her,
fucks like a porn star, looks like Jenna,
Fack I'm gonna,
Cum I think my rubbers comin' off,
But oh its so fuckin' wet and soft,
Fuck, I'm gonna start lettin' off
I'm squirting and she's not gettin' off,
And she's on top, I'm gonna fackin', oh god,
Oh don't do that, don't, stop
Stop, don't, I don't mean don't stop!
Ow wait a minute, ow ow fuck I, I'm gonna fuckin' cu--"

I attempted to shuffle again but ended up fast forwarding into the song in my hurry.

"Ok I'm done, I already came twice,
You ain't gonna make me cum,
I'm all outta gas, not so fast!
uh your finger just went in my ass!
Ow that hurts! take it out now
Oh wait a minute oww put it back in, in in in
This don't mean I'm gay, I don't like men
I like boobs, boobs, boobs boobs,
now see that gerbil, grab that tube,
Shove it up my butt,
Let that little rascal nibble on my asshole, uhh,
Yeah, right there, right there,
Ah I'm coming ah yeah,
Fack, I just came again, okay pull it out now,
Oh fuck yeah,
wait he's not out he's still crawling around up there,
Ow fuck I think it's stuck
Oh but it feels so--"

I pressed shuffle once again, giving the cd one more chance to redeem itself.

"The way you shake it, I can't believe it
I ain't never seen an ass like that
The way you move it, you make my pee pee go
Doing, doing, doi--"

I groaned turning the radio off completely as we sat in a very, very uncomfortable silence.

What the actual fuck was that.

We pulled up at Lamberts and I knew I was about to encounter the one person their than my mother who knew I was gay -- and it made him vomit so, let's just say my nerves were on end.

"You guys ready?" Calum asked looking directly at me, I nodded and climbed out behind him, we walked in to see where the commotion was knowing it was my mother and Michael.

Let's just say he looked mortified and she looked like she wanted to cry -- from laughter or the loss of her shoes, the world may never know.

Seeing myself in such embarrassment was well, embarrassing, so I hurried to grab him by the elbow and pulled him out muttering an apology to my mom and throwing a fifty at her.

"Um Luke?"

"Shut up Michael."

"That's my line." He pouted.

"Suck my dick."

"You would like that wouldn't you Luke."