4 Roommates

Heartbreak

A/N: hello I am back and writing again! Which is great. This one isn't very plot conducive so sorry about that but it does bring in some more background about Emma. It describes a similar situation I have been in and maybe writing it out will help. I hope you enjoy it!

No one ever talks about platonic heartbreak and how devastating it can be. When you think of heartbreak you think of the movies with two people in the rain and dramatic music playing in the background while they break up and decide to never see each other again, leaving them both sad and alone until they realise they are meant to be together and fall back in love and the movie ends and everyone is happy.

But that's not heartbreak. Not really.

But what happens when the relationship you have with someone doesn't end in a fight or with any sort of finality? When it just fades away with one side no longer responding while the other doesn't know what happened to change the way things were? This is the heartbreak that Emma feels. Its an unsatisfying hole in her heart that she doesn't know what to do with. A longing for the way things were but knowing that's not going to happen and not knowing why.

Emma had two best friends in high school. The three of them were a dynamic trio like no other. No matter what it was always Emma, Scott, and Lily. They met in grade nine and were all friends through and after graduation. Lily was the first person Emma had ever come out to as bisexual and she responded to her worried text with a thumbs up and that was that. She came out to Scott over the phone with Lily there as support and he was just as chill and supportive as she was. Emma couldn't imagine it not being the three of them together and maybe that's where she went wrong. Because one day she noticed she was starting to look at Lily a little bit differently. And after much deliberation she realized she wanted to ask her out and consulted Scott on the matter. He was all for the idea and helped her set up a time where she could ask Lily out and then they would all hang out later. The asking never happened. Emma was too scared to change their relationship and was happy with how things were. But Scott hadn't got the memo and spent a large part of their hang out later bugging Emma to just do it already and assuring her nothing would go wrong. But she refused and Lily was uncomfortable so that evening Emma apologized and told her what was going on and asked her out. She unfortunately said no but for good reason. She didn't want Emma to be someone she experimented with on her potential attraction to women and didn't want to hurt Emma. She hoped that was that but a while later she noticed Scott and Lily were hanging out more without her and then they later told her that they were dating. There was some jealousy on her part. But she wasn't sure for who. She mostly just felt left out of something special and wanted to be part of it too. She never told them this of course. Just told them she was totally fine with it and was happy for them. Both her and Scott started college and soon after that is when there started to be more of her messages left unread and unanswered by them both. She tried her hardest to keep them all together but there was only so much one willing participant in a friendship can do. So eventually she stopped trying to reach out and she never heard from them again.

Emma thinks there will always be a spot left in her heart from when they left her. She catches herself thinking about running into them and catching up. Seeing how they are doing and showing them how she's doing and that she's okay and in love with not one, not two, but three amazing people and they all love her back. She has other friends of course and her partners and her family but that doesn't change that she misses her old friends. Her first true loves in her life and she never even got to tell them that. When she looks back on life she realizes what she wanted. She wanted all three of them to be in a relationship. To all be in love together. But that can't be a decision only she makes. She did reach out again. And talked briefly to Scott about how they both were. They moved away and are still together and are happy. And she's happy for them but sad that she will probably never see them again.

This is not the kind of heartbreak in a love story you see on tv. No one talks about how important best friends can be to someone and how to deal with when they leave you for a romantic relationship which ends up being more important. Its not their fault. Everyone grows and changes throughout life. But she wanted them to grow and change together and that longing and the pain that it won't happen will fade with time but the scar will always be there.

On days where she is reminded of them and how much she misses them she remembers the good times they had and how the hurt doesn't take away from them. And she thinks of all the people she has in her life now and important they are to her. And she hopes that Scott and Lily are happy wherever they are.