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Chapter 14: "im sorry..." -Remi

It's been 2 months and the twins are now growing so fast, Emerson is happy as can be about them, Lane and Erin and trying to help as much as they can, and as for me...I've had bad Postpartum depression. I haven't eaten much which hasn't been good for the twins because I don't have any food to produce for them.

I tried to give them their first bath a couple days ago and Raedyn did perfectly fine, but then with Rowyn...I can't forgive myself for what I did to her, she was sitting up and- I fell asleep slightly and I let her slip under the water. She started splashing and crying, I instantly pulled her up out of the water, wrapped her in a towel and held her close to me. That was my breaking point.

It wasn't just then, I've nearly fell down the stairs holding them walking. I've forgotten about them and they've gotten hurt. I hate knowing I'm hurting them, and everyone else because they don't know about most things, especially where they've all tried working as much as possible to help with expenses. In the mean time we've been able to conjure up a small but large car.

I lay in bed thinking about how I almost drowned my baby. How...How could I put my child in harms way? Thoughts fill my mind and take over, a tear starts to slip down my face even though I fought hard to keep it together. Emerson's arm is wrapped around my waist as he sleeps, I gently lift his arm over and I climb up and out of the bed, gently placing his arm back down. He curls up and cuddles into the blankets.

I walk towards the bathroom where our closet was. I quietly get my biggest suitcase down and fill it with the necessities, shirts, pants, socks, underwear, bras, Hoodies, jackets. Anything I thought I would need, though I had no clue where I was going to go and for how long. I grabbed some everyday things like perfume, makeup, hair brush, toothbrush, and shoved it into a smaller bag to place inside. I grab an extra blanket that I've had since forever ago, a pillow, and some phone chargers. I quietly drag my suitcase down to the stairs, heading to my car.

I reach the bottom and reach in the bowl of keys till I find mine, I try and open the front door as silently as possible. When I make it outside I leave the door cracked in case I decide I need anything else, and I won't make that much noise. I pop open the trunk with the keys and the lights flicker one, "Crap!" I whisper yell to myself, I continue to the trunk and load my suitcase and anything else I brought with.

I look to the backseat to see the car seats sitting in the second row, empty. "Am I really about to do this?" I question, I close the trunk and walk to the back doors and open them taking out the car seats placing them by the front door inside. I go to the kitchen and grab a sticky note and pen, I start to write;

"Dear Emerson, Erin, and Lane,
I'm sorry but I've been struggling so much lately to stay awake and keep the twins safe. I can't keep going on much longer like this. I'm leaving. I don't know where and for how long, but please know I'm safe. If I am not safe I will immediately text and call you guys. Until then...please don't reach out. I need time away to think and process, I can't put Raedyn and Rowyn in harm. Please understand how much I love all of you guys. If anything happens to the babies call ASAP. I love you guys so so much! It hurts me terribly to do this but I need to know they will be safe and I can't provide that safety, but I know you guys can. Send me photos if you want but I most likely will not reply.
I'm sorry...

-Remi"

I place the pen down, tears slowly fall down my face and leak into the the paper. I turn around and rush out the front door, closing it behind me. I walk to my car and climb in, I close the door and turn on the ignition. I back out of the driveway and go towards the gate to leave the neighborhood, the security guard is a kid my age, 17, Ace and I...we used to be close friends but Emerson got jealous and punched him, I thought it was adorable at the time but now...not so much. "Hey Remi! Where you off to this late?" He asks, I try not to look at him knowing tears filled my eyes, "I'm not sure..." I softly say, turning towards him, "Oh my- Remi are you ok?" He questions, stepping out of the stand to walk closer to my car.

"Yes, no. I'm not sure... Im leaving everyone behind even the babies..." I respond, tears threatening to flood down. "Let me come with." He proudly says, "I'm serious Remi. You shoudlnt be alone and I don't think your going to be able to get far, let me help. I won't rat you out I promise. I don't want to have to hear about your death on the news because you got into a car wreck." I nod, gently smiling, "ok..." I say, unlocking my doors, he runs over and jumps in, "what about the gate?" I ask, "oh ya..." he replied jumping back out to call for someone to take over.

"Ok we're all good someone will be here in 5 minutes but we're good to go." He smiles, I exit the gate he had opened seconds before. I turn my left signal on and look both ways before turning.

After 5 minutes we make our way down the dark highway, nothing but tall trees around us, I start to ponder if Emerson or anyone heard me leave and has already found the note, or maybe the twins woke someone up, the flood gates open and I can't contain them. I start balling my eyes out trying to stay on the road, "pull over!!" Ace ushers me, I do as he says and park on the dark road. I lean my head on the steering wheel and continue to cry, he leans over and gently rubs my back, "Hey, it's ok Remi. I promise you did the right thing. You don't want to hurt them and you need time to get away and think." He reassured me, I look at him and smile, he wipes the tears and unbuckles himself, "What are you doing?" I say, still crying but not as much.

"Driving. Your not going to, so now move. And dotn you dare get out on the road, lord knows what's out there." He directs me to where he was sitting as he climbs to back seat. His legs spread apart, I kinda forgot how hot he was, no. I can't. I just barely left Emmett. "Hey my eyes are up here." He smirks, which turns into a grin. "Shut up." I chuckled to myself.

Now sitting where he was, he climbs to where I was and takes the wheel shifting the car into drive, taking off. I look up and ponder his face, taking in his chiseled jawline and veins popping from his neck. I lay the seat back reaching for my pillow and blanket in the backseat, "do you care where we go?" He questions, I shake my head no.

"Ok then, my family has a lake out in lower California, we can go there if your ok with it." He remarks as I nod, still trying to find my blanket. Instead I find Rowyn's binky that had a little pink bear on it, "This was her favorite thing..." I state, feelings the tears flow back, he places his hand on my thigh as I pull my blanket that I found over me and curl up in a ball on the seat, cradling her binky still. I drift off to sleep from the motions of the car moving.
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Word count: 1388

Ok so this took a bit of a turn!! I'm going to go back to the introduction and add a vibe of everyone and what they kinda look like so be watching for that!!

Xoxo - M💖