DAUGHTER OF BILLIE EILISH

40) faye

your pov

So Update; it's been weeks.. no months since faye got adopted. Let me tell you, it's been horrible. Yeah she's very cute and she's my sister and i like/love her.. but mom? Jacob? The rest of the family (besides lea <3   ) pffft.

They didn't really pay any attention to me anymore. Don't get me wrong, i don't want to seem like a attention seeker or anything but i feel so,.. unseeable? unloved? whatever.

now; I'm laying on the bathroom floor, bleeding once again. No not my coochie, my arms. The media is putting a lot of pressure on me lately with music and comparisons with other artists.

It doesn't help that i feel ugly and like I'm nothing worth. I haven't told Chase yet because well... I've been self harm clean since 3 months.. 3 MONTHS.

I know he will be disappointed in me and eventually probably even leave me, which i wouldn't survive for sure.

I was staring at the ceiling, barely blinking. Memories floating through my head again from the last weeks. Mom has been yelling at me constantly. I know she's stressed but there are so many things that her words caused. It hurted me.

Jacob never really noticed because he was out for work, sometimes he did and he tried to calm down mom and helped me cheer up a bit. She started saying things about eating or my body or how i did in school.

Some examples „i honestly don't know what you will be one day" or „are you really going to eat so much?"

I barely ate, the media tells me to eat less, mom asks me if i really want to eat that much, school's been stressing and I'm failing ALL classes. And i mean ALL. Ugh

My phone rang, chase. I picked it up of course. „Hey love, I'm at your door open up" FUCK. He's here? He can't see me. My arms were still bleeding. „Babe? You still here?" he asked „uhmmm yeah... yeah just give me some minutes" i told him and we hung up.

Some minutes later i heard a knock on my bathroom door. „Babe? You in there?" who tf let him in?! Omg. What am I doing. I looked in the mirror, bandages on my arm, dired mascara on my face, puffy red eyes. He will notice.

„Love, please open the door or i will get your mom" i immediately wiped away the mascara and unlocked the door to lean in for a kiss to distract him from my red crying eyes.

He obviously kissed back but when he pulled away his face dropped. „Hey! What's wrong love?" he said and pulled me in a tight hug. That's everything it took for me to break down in tears, making my knees feel weak and letting me slowly get down to sit on the floor.

„Love love, look at me shhh it's okay" chase whispered. He kneeled down and just held me in his arms, not letting go. I think I've never cried that much in my life, i couldn't hold myself together anymore.

Chase looked down and noticed the bandage. „You did it again?" he said calm and quiet. I panicked making my breath faster and heavier. „No no it's okay don't worry. We will figure this out" he told me and brought my inhaler.

I took some deep breaths with my inhaler and let my breath calm down. Chase held my hands and stroke over them softly. After i was breathing normally again he pulled me in his arms

„Love? Can you please tell me what happened that made you do it again?" he asked. So i explained. „It's okay. We will figure this out alright? I'm here and no matter what's going on, please tell me. You know i won't judge or leave you. I love yoh more than anything in this world and want to make sure you're okay."

I looked up and we shared a kiss. He told me he wants to talk to my mom which i didn't really like but i knew i didn't had an opportunity. Moments later mom appeared in my room, making a sad face.

She got on the bed with me and just held me in her arms. „I am so sorry. I have no words for what i did besides that I'm sorry. Please don't listen to what i said, I'm sorry" she cried

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