I killed my mate [in process, please be patient]

A treacherous kiss, the sort of kiss Judas gave Jesus to sell him

                                                                Pleaaase read the author's note at the end of the chapter, thaaaanks <3

Martin Luther King once said, “the choice is not between violence and nonviolence but between nonviolence and nonexistence.” What did he mean though? By saying this he tried to makes us realize that, like him, we all fight for what we believe in. We fight for what we want to be and who we want to be with, we fight for equality, we fight for justice, and what will we all be if we did not stand up for all of those things? Nonexistent.

It is as if we had a voice that we would never use, and therefore people would just assume we were mute but even if we were, there is always a way to make ourselves be listened because everything is possible, isn’t it? Not quite!

Everything is not possible, not when we have ourselves holding us back from reaching our full potential, not when we have fear sinking us to the very bottom of our mental ocean, not when we make things be bigger than what they really are, because it is us and no one else, that turns nightmares into monsters and choose to search shelter instead of slaying these new demons.

We lose faith in the most important carrier of change, ourselves, and then we find that we are in situations that have none but a very closed minded way out, we find that we are being guided by others, who lead our paths mistakenly and leave us to pick up where they left us, undone in a pretty dessert road.

That is exactly the place I have found myself in today, no, wrong! That is the place where I have been in the past few weeks, letting others decide what is best for me instead of being I the one who got to choose that, letting them lead me to what will be my downfall.

I sigh, remembering what he just said, "she only has today to think about it because tomorrow the blood moon will be at its highest."

How can he say something so important as if it were just another weather report? How can he get to play the role of the dice thrower, the fortune teller? Who gave him the authority? What is he holding against me?

"Yes kitten?" says James straying me away from my thoughts, "do you have a question?"
I look at him dumfounded and unusually full of hatred, “who give you the right to manipulate my life? Who do you think you are?”
He chuckles, “I am who you let me be”

That shocks me, I was definitely not expecting that answer from him, is he right though? Am I letting him? I mean how will that even be possible? I had been abducted, mistreated and mentally beaten, how am I letting him do that? 

I shake my head, shaking my thoughts away, “you don’t get to play the cards”
He smiles in amusement, “oh yeah? Why not?”
“Because without me, you don’t have any real claim over,” I pause, “Daniel’s territory,” I say bitterly
He chuckles, “kitten, do you think I need your approval?”
I stare at him as if he was crazy because I am starting to believe he is, “well, duh, didn’t you just say so?” I say to annoy him
He growls, “you do not talk to me like that!” He says in his alpha voice that makes Adrian flinch
I growl too and glare at him while leaning forward in the chair, “you are forgetting that I am the daughter of a really special sort of alpha,” I pause and with a courage I did not know I had in me I say in my alpha voice , “you do not talk to me like that!” I say emphasizing each word

What I have in my sight is something truly pleasant, James flinches and cowers down for an instant, until he gains his composure again. This little victory is something that I will treasure once this demons turns me into the one more of his little army, because as much as I want to believe that things won’t go sour, I know that this transformation is inevitable.