I killed my mate [in process, please be patient]

Riddles

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “All is riddle, and the key to a riddle is another riddle.” Well I’ve definitely have tried to solve my problems the way Emerson says, but all I’ve seen myself found in is in an enormous maze without any trace of an escape.

 Now I am in Nate’s arm and I’m about to have a leap of faith, but I’m still unsure. I know is just a kiss, or maybe is just a kiss to him; but to me, if I do it, I’ll allow myself to fall in love, and I’m not ready for that yet. On the other hand, if I don’t kiss him I will just give him facts to support his idea that I had already chosen someone and that that someone is Alec.  

I feel tingles on my back when Nate brushes my hair behind my ear, “You’ve said it already,” he leans in closer and speaks brushing barely my lips, “love is easy, so cave in”

I scoff, “caving in, is not being tamed”

He laughs and his laughter rumbles in my body, that is how close we are, “I could tame you”

I raise my eyebrows and try to step back, “I’m sorry but I’m not an animal to be tamed, and if I were one I wouldn’t want to be tamed”

He secures me with his hand and I feel suddenly uncomfortable, “I didn’t mean it like that, I was trying to say that I could be the guy you were waiting for”
I nod and take his hands in mine and take them off my body, “and you ruined the moment,” I shake my head, “I hope you sober up, and once you do completely, come and find me so we can go”

He grabs my arm and kiss my hand, “I’m sorry my love, I didn’t meant to upset you, please don’t go”

I smile and take delicately my hand out of his, “we’ll talk later, okay?”

“Don’t leave …”

Without waiting I leave without a specific direction. I start wondering around and I found myself again in the place Alec was holding a girl against a tree.

I sigh, what if Nate is right? Maybe I have chosen but I just don{t want to accept it

He is not, you haven’t; you just have to stop hesitating, says Karma

I frown; I keep on forgetting you are there until you pop up like this. What do you mean of hesitating? I’m not closed minded with any of the boys

It’s not that is just that you have to open yourself to love, which is why you feel drawn to Alec, you are scared. You know you’ll never fall in love with him, so you’re playing it safe  

But what if that’s not it, what if I truly feel something for him?

Then you’ll have to choose, but trust me whatever you call what you and Alec have, it’s not love

 

I shake my head  trying to forget the mention of the word love, when I come back from my spacing off I realize I’ve been walking at the same time, and now I found myself in an unknown path. Before moving any other step forward I turn around to go back the same way I came, but I abruptly bump into someone.

“Sorry,” says a voice I’ve never heard and due to the poor lighting, I can’t put a face to it.

I hesitate not sure if there’s a need for me to apologize when we are in the middle of nowhere and the only way I could have bumped into someone is if that person had followed me. “it’s okay,” I play polite and smile while I sidestep him and take my phone out and text Mel ‘SOS’