I killed my mate [in process, please be patient]

I become totally absorbed into the limbo.

Hi guys, I know this took forever to post and I'm really sorry, it's just this chapter took me a lot of research to be finished and it was way more reading than what I had expected.

Thank you all for being so patient, for all of you who have some time reading this book and for all of the new ones. Thank you tooons, you guys are my motivation.

I hope this chapter fills in some gaps and create new ones (hehe) but most of all, I hope you enjoy it.

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Christopher McDougall once said "every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up, it knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn't matter whether you're the lion or a gazelle -when the sun comes up, you'd better be running."

When I was a kid, I used to do track in school. I was fast, faster than any normal human but not as fast as the werewolves from my pack. Since no one knew about us though, the pack members were highly regarded when we competed in nationals, except when we were against other packs. I engraved in my mind in an even younger age, that I would not be beaten in any possible way. For me, not shifting was enough of a loss but losing in any other field was not an option.

I pushed myself further, trained harder, last longer. In a matter of weeks, I had built a resistance few wolves my age had. My dad was proud of the effort I was putting because older wolves use to taunt him of having a weak link in his family but I was proving them wrong and I even had the chance to shut all of th gossiping.

There was once an internal competition, a sort of mockery to the Olympics where werewolves always win, to see who were the best of the werewolves. I was put in the teens category, that for us was fourteen to fifteen, where there was no difference between men or women, we all competed together. Besides, since I was daughter of an Alpha and not just any Alpha, I was put in the fast line group. I was meant to compete with mostly boys but there were also girls, I knew of all of them to be fast, the fastest.

They were all confident and they were all looking at me as what they were, all wolves ganging up against 'fragile, human' me. I smirked and glanced at my dad, who just kept his cool composure but who through our mind link, was assuring me that I got this, and indeed I did.

I won and let the audience with their mouths wide open and my competitors with their mouths shut. In that moment I assured myself that I was the fastest among my kind and the werewolf kind and I promised myself that in any moment that was needed, I will remind myself of this race. A race where all the odds were not in my favor but even then, at the end I came with the victory and it was all because of the effort and because I believed in me.

Right now, I wish I could say the same. I wish I could have the mental strength I had back then but I don't. I'm worn out and tired and what is more, like in the race, all the odds are not in my favor but this time I don't think I will win.

Still, I am running. Running away from fear, from love; running away from my thoughts and from myself. I am running faster than the fastest monster inside my head because I don't want to be killed and I am also running faster than the slowest happy memory because I know that if I don't get a hold on it, my mind will starve and my body will follow.