Shooting Star and Swallow's Song

Worse Before Better

The pair eventually reached the state park entrance. Coming in, they could see that the parking lot was empty by the visitor center, but they continued along a narrow two lane road that led to the ranger station. Signs alerted them that they were approaching it.

"You've been here?" Alex asked.

"A few times," Steph replied, still looking forward. "Ryan likes his seclusion. At least out here. Him and his birds."

Alex looked out her window and said, "It is nice out here. Looks the way it did on the way up." Alex involuntarily flashed back to when she first arrived. Picturing Gabe's excited face, so happy to see her after over seven years. It was too painful to think about right now though. She tried to bring herself back to the present.

She turned to Steph and said, "So when we get there, I'm not sure what's going to happen, what I should tell him."

"That's okay. Plans are for suckers, as my friend would say," Steph said with an almost imperceptible frown.

Alex's instincts told her that it might be unwise to ask, but she risked the question anyways.

"What friend is that?"

Steph chewed at her lip before saying, "Just...someone I knew in high school."

It was obvious to Alex that there was more to this friend that Steph probably didn't want to share right now. Whatever it was, it definitely wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. They didn't need more heaviness added to the current situation though, so Alex let it go.

They drove the small remaining distance in silence. Ryan's truck was next the station, but Steph stopped a little further away. When she parked the car and turned the engine off, it was even more quiet. Alex was feeling less ready now.

Steph turned in her seat and appraised Alex's emotional state with some concern.

"Alex..." She looked down, gathering her thoughts, then looked back to her and said, "If you feel at anytime you need to go, we'll just go. No questions. Just say the word. Okay?"

The way Steph looked at her, with her confidence and reassurance, Alex could only nod. She didn't contemplate why she felt both safe and weak at the same time.

Alex thought that Steph was about to reach out when the girl's hand rose up ever so slightly toward her, but there was a hesitation and it came back down on her own lap. She felt a deeper disappointment than she expected possible for what should be a small thing.

"Alex ?" Steph questioned, saying her name with gentle emphasis.

Shit, I'm staring at her hand. That's kinda weird.

Did she already say my name and I spaced out?

"Oh, uh, sorry."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just was thinking."

"Yeah?" Steph questioned, seeming to expect an answer.

Shit, uh...make something up. No, lying sucks, just be generic or something...

" Yeah...nothing really."

Steph subtly nodded her head and said, "Need to think any more before we get out? Or before Ryan comes out here? He might have noticed the car sitting in the parking lot and wonder what Duckie's doing here."

"You didn't mention we borrowed it?"

"I didn't say we were coming at all."

Alex froze, staring at her with concern. "Uh...will that be okay?"