Shooting Star and Swallow's Song

That Feeling

After the embrace ended, they separated, but still sat beside each other on the bed.

Alex glanced at Steph.

Have I really only known her less than three days?

She didn't want to feel wrong for feeling so close so soon. Maybe it was bonding through grief, or maybe Steph was the first nice person she met in a long time that she could relate to, but whatever it was, Alex didn't care. She didn't let herself consider another possibility lurking in the back of her mind. Whatever it was, she didn't want to mess it up.

Alex spoke up.

"Sorry again for snapping at you."

"It's okay," Steph said and was about to continue when Alex jumped in again.

"No, it's not. You didn't deserve that. I'm just...feeling a lot. No excuse though. And I really don't want you to think I would... do something to myself. Even in the suckiest times, I never thought that and...it's been bad. This bad."

Steph nodded and said, "I know things haven't been easy for you. It's just...so messed up. When's life going to give you a fucking break?"

Alex froze, alarmed by her statement, not noticing how torn up Steph was becoming about her.

"Um...what do you mean you know? What did he tell you?"

Steph recognized her error and quickly clarified.

"Oh...no, nothing like that," Steph said, gesturing the same with her hand. "He never said any details about you, but he talked about himself. Not much, but he mentioned your parents. Very briefly. He didn't really fill in the gap after you two were separated."

He didn't tell her. Thank you, Gabe.

She had hoped Gabe didn't tell anyone. Alex asked him not to over the phone before they reunited, but maybe he already had before that. Alex really wanted a fresh start though. The world didn't need to know she was in foster care for a third of her life because no one wanted a psycho, she thought.

Steph continued hesitantly.

"I'm...I'm sorry about your parents."

Alex nodded, thinking, then said, "Dad just wasn't around much...until he wasn't at all. It was my mom...that's the one that hurt."

"You were close?"

Alex nodded again, but managed to choke out a strained, "Yeah."

Why does she have to ask about her? She's making me think about her again. I don't like thinking about her. It only makes me think of those last days. Those last horrible fucking days in the hospital. She had to turn this talk away from herself.

"What about you? Close with your parents?"

Steph looked taken aback by the question.

She responded with a little trouble getting started and still some hesitation as she spoke. "I...um...yeah, I talk to my dad all the time. Well, often enough. My mom...we were super close, when...when she was still around. She...she passed five years ago."

Alex turned to Steph with a pained look, shocked that she too lost her mom.

No...not her too...

Her heart broke for Steph. Alex knew exactly how she felt.

"Oh my god, Steph. I'm so sorry."

Steph gave a small shrug, looking down and said somberly, "It's been five years. I've had a lot of cries already. The part I still can't get over was losing her out of no where. Not being able to say goodbye." Steph turned to her and shook her head as she closed her eyes and bit her lip. Her glassy eyes fell tenderly on the other.