I Am Me

Prologue

I'm Amelia Wright and I'm 16 years old. My dad left Ma, Jamal, & me between the age of 7 & 9 months. When I barely knew how to crawl. I kind of remember him kissing me on the forehead when I was in my crib babbling & he said "I love you pumpkin, I always will but I can't do this." His curly hair tickling my ears.

And then he left. A whiff of Old Spice grazed my nose as for that was one of the only things I remember about my Dad and it was also the last time I saw him.

Of course whenever I asked my mom about him or why he left she would say nothing. I guess him leaving has been hard on her too. Well, it obviously would be if you had to raise two kids by yourself.

When I go to school all the other students stare at me and say mean stuff about my thick, long, brown, curly, fluffy hair and my skin. I've heard this everyday at school for the past 9 years. I've tried ignoring them and walking in another direction but nothing works. At the end of the day, I'm the laughing stock and their hurtful words always manage to get to me. They swim around me like sharks and I'm a fish.

I never speak up for myself because I'm scared. Or maybe it's because I don't know how to and even if I did it; Would it have effect on how I'm treated in school?

My mom, brother, friends all tell me to stick up for myself and don't let what they say get under my skin. But I just can't. I can't do it. I can't open my mouth and say something back. Anything. Because each time my mouth just won't budge and I don't have the guts. I'll always be the black girl, burnt chicken nugget, the blackness in places.

Maybe one day I can move past these stages of sorrow, anger, pain and so many feelings lodged together as one. But today, today, I just can't. And maybe I never will be able to.