I Am Me

True & False

"You're black and ugly. You're too fucking ugly for me, that I can't even see. Your hair is so nappy and thick that it blocks everything in sight. Just go back to where you cam from- Africa. With the elephants. I'm sure they would love another ugly recruit." Troy says from behind me as I am working on my classwork. He must be so happy with himself. Saying all this stuff like he's giving a national speech. I would say I could care less but I can't. It hurts being me. All this pain I bottle up and store away never to be brought up really. Moved away like a U-Haul truck picking up it's contents and dropping it to an unknown place or somewhere that'll soon be forgotten.

"Here, let me give you a little trim." Another boy next to him says holding up scissors while grinning to reveal his cricked front teeth.

My face starts to get hot, I start feel like something is prickling my face, and my palms start to get all sweaty. I turn around for merely a moment to say "Stop." Almost a whisper, so quiet as it comes out of my mouth.

Troy just looks at me, surprised with my reply. "What did you say?"

"Idk. Sounded like a mouse was squeaking in the room."

"Nothing. I..I.." It's just times like these that I wish the chair would just swallow me whole. And then there would be nothing but the blue chair with swirls as the design on the front. And at least I'd get a break from the teasing, name-calling and everything else. It's no wonder why they keep picking on me, I can't even open my mouth to stick up for my self. Where's your voice when you truly need it? Where is my voice when I truly need it? Why can't I just open my mouth to speak without getting scared? Without feeling shrunk in size. Without feeling like a insignificant mouse. Why can't I just do that?

I try to focus my thoughts on the book for our reading assignment. But it just keeps popping into my thoughts like an imposer. Breaking my concentration on my assignment.

I keep replaying it over and over in my head trying to figure out if maybe they are right. You're black and ugly... You're too fucking ugly for me.. Maybe I am ugly. Maybe I don't belong here. My chocolate skin. My big poof of fluffy hair. My round face.

Ringgggg! The bell finally rings and I hang my head down while I'm exiting the classroom full of misery. I exit to the left to take a short cut to my next class to avoid being bothered. I'm almost halfway there when I get a too- light- to-be- disturbing tap on right my arm. I turn around and to my surprise it's Eric. I almost forgot we all the same classes together except for two but we never speak to each other. Well that is, until now.

"Uh, hi. I'm Eric, don't worry about them, they get in trouble all the time for doing bad stuff and they'll get what's coming to them." He gives me a slight smile and fixes his curly hair that's always in his face.

"Thanks. I'm Amelia. But you're welcome to call me all the names I'm called in class."

"I would never do that. I don't think you're ugly. I think you're cute." He looks at the time on his watch as a distraction to avoid me seeing the embarrassment spread all over his face. Even thought his hair covers some of it. The way his hair frames half his face and his smile. I mean he is cute too but I'm not getting into that right now.

"Thank you." I'm just surprised that he thinks such a thing. But nevertheless, the complement does brighten my day a little.

"I mean. Oh, I got to get to class, bye. See you around, Amelia." He turns around to smile then hurries to his class. And I start to think maybe there's more to him then I would've thought.

"Bye."

I go home and pull my covers over my head, not wanting to be bothered. Then I cry into my plush pillows covered with musical artists.