Legions of unspoken affliction

Chapter 10 : My Polaroid Love

Due to Riki's good conduct, he was able to be released from boys'home a month earlier than the scheduled date. The family were all delighted to hear the news. However, Riki was not looking forward to it at all.

"Disgrace was what i brought upon" he told himself. He doesn't want to get out and face the world, they'll insult him, his parents will abandon him, he won't have home again.

Little did he know, no one is going to that. Well, at least, Mister and Misuss Park will never allow any of that to happen.

Excitement filled the family as they picked up Riki. They were more than delighted to have their little baby and baby brother back. Riki was happy to be back to his family, but overthinking was still an issue. He continuously thought about how he was an issue to his family and brought upon disgrace. All he wanted to have was some time alone and Sunoo. But he knew the family was happy to see him so he doesn't reject their offer to spend time together.

Late at night, the round moon shining bright surrounded by some sparkling stars in the clear night sky. Riki took the opportunity when everyone was asleep, to sneak out and go to Sunoo's house. It was probably not the best decision but he missed his scent, his presence, him in general. He missed Sunoo.

Luck was on his side, when he found an unlocked window, and snuck in. He opened Sunoo's door, froze at the sight. All the memories of him and Sunoo in this room flooding his mind was too overwelming for the young boy. He closed the door slightly and proceeded over to sit on Sunoo's bed. Tears began to fill his eyes as he kept apologizing to Sunoo, knowing he will never be forgiven neither will Sunoo hear it. Hugging his pillow, crying, he fell asleep.

But sunoo, has never blamed him.

Riki has never slept so well in such a long time. The faint scent of Sunoo was more than calming to him, such that not even the bright morning light that was shining through the window, and the loud sounds of his neighbours mowing their lawn, could wake him up.

Sunoo's father walked pass Sunoo's room, noticing a gap between the door which was normally closed, accompanied by a figure inside. He knew his wife was not inside as she was right next to him in bed as he woke. He opened the door, ready to fight whatever or whoever it was. But he completely relaxed after finding out that it was just Riki, which followed by anger and sadness. He was reminded of Sunoo, his son's murderer was laying in his bed which he found completely unacceptable.

Yet, the man let the boy continue sleeping. He pulled the curtains and tucked him in. He may be upset, but before Sunoo's passing, he has always treated Riki as if he was family, and he knew Sunoo wouldn't want anyone, especially his family, to treat Riki poorly.

Closing the door, he sighed. And proceeded to make breakfast for his wife, daughter, Riki and himself. Although it felt rather off to make food for the person who took his son's life, he still did it, placing a plate on the bedside table in Sunoo's room, for Riki to eat it when he wakes.

"You can't let that murderer stay in Sunoo's room! Are you out of your mind?!" Mrs Kim, who just recovered from depression from the lost of her son, shouted.

"Sunoo loved him, hes family." Mister Kim said.

"Sunoo will never be able to love him again. He took his life, how can he love him!"

"But mom, Sunoo told us to always care for Riki and love him. He...would want us to be nice to him." Their daughter said.

“I know you are still hurt from the loss but we should respect what Sunoo would have wanted us to do.”

“How can both of you not be hurt!? And we will never know if being nice to that boy is what my baby would have wanted!” She slammed the table as she got up and left, returning to her room.

Mr Kim sighed, it was tiring, to constantly try to be strong to be able to support his wife, and to get accused of not being hurt after losing his own flesh and blood. Sunoo was a boy full of love, love to give and space to receive. Many loved him, and he loved many. He’s the type of boy who would feed the stray puppies and kittens, the type to bring joy and laughter to his classmates, the type to bring food to class to share with everyone.

Yes, he was that type of boy, the one that many adored.

Riki knew that Sunoo’s family is aware of him sleeping in Sunoo’s room so he doesn’t hide it. He would spend his whole day at his place, reading stories and playing games, imagining that Sunoo was there reading and playing with him. He shares his true feelings and how he wishes to run away from home, no one was there to listen. He broke down into tears, he was lost, he felt alone even with many people around him. He felt warmth engulfing him, but he was unbothered by it. His mind was all about, and repeating the moment he pushed the knife into Sunoo.

“I’m so sorry, Hyung. I’m sorry. I miss you so much.” Riki cried out.

“It’s okay, I don’t blame you. It’s not your fault.”

For the longest of times, Riki understood love. But with Sunoo gone, he felt lost and confused again. Over time, he lost all hope, whenever he visits Sunoo’s room he would destroy several items when he breaks down. Ripping his books, throwing his mugs, he just couldn’t control himself anymore.

Sunoo’s parents were upset by his behaviour and have tried convincing him to stop but to no avail. They have also talked to Mrs Park, but even his mother was unable to make him stop. Mrs Park couldn't do much other than try to convince Mrs Kim to let Riki mourn in his way, he was different from them after all, to which, she succeded. Mrs Kim sighed as she kept away the more precious belongings of Sunoo, his favourite toys, clothes, books.

Riki, who went to Sunoo's room again, was punching the walls when he noticed a box at the corner of the room. He has seen it before, but he forgot what its content was. Curiosity got to him as he approached, sat down in front of, and opened it.
He took one out of the many polaroids, that he found inside the box, out of its stack. It was a picture of Sunoo and himself, the day they went to the arcade together, the day he won a sun plushie for Sunoo.
He got teary again, he missed Sunoo so much. He didn’t feel like he was himself. How he hoped to have never come to Korea, never met Sunoo, never befriended him. Then he would still be happily alive, spreading joy to others, and that he himself may be less miserable.
“I’m losing myself.” He said to the Sunoo in the polaroid.