Warrior Cats: Billypaw's Code

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own the concept, or characters, of Warriors by Erin Hunter, which is what this Fanfiction is based off of. Please read and support the author of the Warriors series.

WARNING: This telling has themes of violence, depression, suicidal thoughts, and ptsd. If you are sensitive to any of the above things please leave.

Billy'paw blinked her glowing green eyes at the apprentices bending over the fast flowing blue beneath them. She eyed the flowing surface, scanning it for fish. She was taught how to fish in quick flowing liquids like this, kind of. Briefly. She kneaded the damp earth nervously.

She saw burly rustpaw shoot his paw into the bend, then come back up with a silver fish and put it between his paws, killing it with a clumsy bite. Billypaw studied the swirling liquid below warily. She saw a shadow under it, and leaned forward. Her shadow came upon the fish below, and to her dismay, it streamed away.

As the day went on, she slowly learned that her shadow scared away the fish, and switched sides to sit on the other side of the river. She still was unable to catch any fish, her paws either hit above or below what was needed. She was able to catch a large minnow at the end of the session, and brought it back to camp.

I need to figure out how to do this better Billypaw thought. As she looked around the camp, sleepy with the afternoon, she found her mentor's blue pelt pressed against panda'heart's black and white one.

"Um, Wolf'claw?"

His fur was fluffed up, and he snarled, but he looked like he wanted to cry, "Stop bothering me! You will learn with the rest of the apprentices."

he turned around, Panda'heart craning her neck to see billypaw.

He walked over to her, "Go practice your moves."

"oh, Okay," Billy'paw mewed, she didn't even know what moves he was talking about, she just wanted to get away from his scary face. She padded away from the two, all too aware of the onlooking cats. She slid down the embankment and into the forest, remembering her mentor had said something about practicing the back kick.

She padded around the camp, searching for some sort of opponent to fight. She unsheathed her claws, and padded down the river embankment. She lashed at the air, and was disappointed at their lack of strength. You have to put force into it! She raged in her head, I can't!

She reared her hind paws up, trying to will strength into them. her right paw fell down on her left one. She almost cried, not because of the pain, but because of her lack of skill. She began to slip back into that familiar dark place.

She closed her eyes, I can't do anything. I can't do anything, it seems like. I don't even feel like an apprentice. I feel like I'm not myself. I feel like I'm a different cat. I feel like I'm a failure. I feel like I'm alone. Everything feels so big. I don't feel like I fit in anymore. My fur is so different, my face is so different. How am I supposed to live like this? Billypaw thought bitterly to herself. she felt like she was in a chasem, her own thoughts pressing her down. How could her own mind betray her? she hadn't realized that she started crying.

She heard a twig snap. She swiveld her good eye towards the noise.

The familiar sound of White'paw's voice filled her ears, "Oops, sorry for disturbing you."

She mumbled something that billypaw didn't catch.

"Why are you out here alone?" light radiated from her face.

The cloud that was her mind swept away, and billypaw suddenly felt lighter.

"Oh, I'm just practicing my battle moves, like wolf'claw said I should." she mewed back.

Her paws felt powerful, and for the first time her face didn't feel like a burden. She felt warm, as if something had enveloped her.

"Is it working?" White'paw mewed curiously. "I saw you doing the back kick pretty well."

Billypaw's fur fluffed up in pride.

"Thanks," she mewed, she felt like she had forgotten what it was like to be praised, but she loved it.

"Want to practice battle moves together?" White'paw offered.

"Sure," billypaw meowed, "I'm sure wolf'claw wouldn't mind if we practiced together."

"Your training started after ours, right? what are the moves our mentor taught you?"

Billypaw blinked, "Oh, Wolf'claw taught me how to do the back kick and the two front paw blows."

White'paw shrugged into a battle stance.

"I have more battle expirence than you billypaw, so I'll dodge while you try to attack me."

Billypaw smiled, "okay!"

Billypaw shifted into a more clumsy battle stance. She ran up to white'paw and brought her paw up to hit her. Whitepaw jumped backwards unsteadily to avoid it. billypaw pawed at her again, the white apprentaice avoiding the attack the same way.

Billypaw then got an idea. She bunched up her shoulders, and sprang at white'paw. She wasn't trying to leap at the ajacent apprentaice however, she was aiming to leap over her and strike her with a back kick. The plan quickly fell into peices, however, as billypaw misjudged how far she needed to jump and the back half of her body fell on white'paw.

"I- I'm sorry!" Billypaw mewed, surprise lacing her voice.

"It's fine, I'm just glad you didn't hurt me," White'paw mewed, nudging billypaw up.

"We should probably just start the battle over," Billypaw mewed.

Her mind was racing. I'm going to have to be more careful.

"Okay."

White'paw rose to her paws. She bunched up her legs and sprang at white'paw. this time she jumped right over her, and once more aimed to land a back kick. White'paw, pridicting this move, rolled to the side, and got out of the way. she spun around and went for White'paw's face. Her paw barely missed, and White'paw ducked down.

A few attacks later, the two broke apart, panting.

White'paw glanced up at the sky, "We should head back before we are missed."

"Okay," billypaw meowed, though she doubted anyone would miss her there.

She padded behind the faster she cat, feeling like she could conquer anything. That feeling quickly dissipated when she walked back into camp.

"I'm going to get a squirrel from the fresh-kill pile. Do you want anything?" White'paw asked, swishing her ginger tail.

"Um, no thank you," Billypaw could go a while longer without food, the other cats needed it after all.

She steered her paws towards the apprentaices den and pushed through the damp vines. The den is quiet, muffled by the brindle walls and thick foliage. There is the creak of branches as they sway in the wind.

The sleeping form of Hushedpaw, one of Pandaheart's apprentices appeared in her vision. she curled up in her nest, it was cold despite the warmth of the den. She let out a sigh and let herself drift away.

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