R. Short Stories

The Voices

Everything is fading...

My world is going dark…

The Voices are winning…

Will this be my depart?

            Waking up today, it was great. The sun was shinning, birds chirping, so stereotypically happy I should have known it was all about to go to hell.

There wasn’t much warning, who knows… maybe there was… I should have known better… What had I done?

            This morning I was loved, this morning I was happy, this morning was perfect, but tonight… it’s all ending…

You see, there was this group I was part of online. Full of past or present Homeschoolers with a few regular school kids. Most of them were Christian, but not all.  The one thing we all had in common was writing.

For once, minus my views, I felt like I belonged somewhere. These kids became my family. They were what I looked forward to every single day since we started doing Character Chats (Where we would put all of our characters in a situation and pretend to be them. Almost like an online cosplay if you will).

            It was so great! I loved almost every minute of it. Sometimes I wanted to leave though… Why? Well… you see… even from my other stories you may not know how serious my trust issues are. But how could you? My 2nd book isn’t even out and it would explain it all… well… almost all…

Don’t get me wrong, I believe there is a God, or at least like to think there is. But I just can’t wrap my head around the thought that he would send someone who isn’t “saved” to hell even if they are a good person. If you were a holy roller, you’d probably tell me, “It doesn’t matter if they’re good! They must give themselves to the Lord in order to be saved!”  Which apparently means changing who you are, but you see, “he” is the one to change you. Yeah. No. I like who I am even if I hate myself most of the time. Thanks, but no thanks.

            In short, I’ve accepted that if this is true, I’m probably damned. Oh well. That’s what some of my voices tell me anyways.

Everything was great until today… It would still be fine if I hadn’t fallen in love with one of the members of the group.

            April… April is not a good month for me. This year is going to be hard in general. It will be a whole year since Nick and Tris disowned me. On top of that, now yet another male has rejected me.

“Don’t do it, Tori. Don’t fall in love.” My head told me.
            “Do it, Tori. You’ll be okay.” Said my heart.

            Even after everything I gave my heart one more chance, only for it to fail me once again.

             “Just be friends”

            That’s what I got this afternoon only after being so dearly loved this morning.
Heartbroken and in defeat, weak from yet another lost battle, the voices came back.

“What did I tell you? Don’t fall in love!”

“It’s okay to fall in love, this only proves that you need to try harder!”