living with My childhood crush

Chapter 5: What If I Stop Pretending ?

Well, it was the first time that I decided to stay as a roommate here for the sake of my bestie happiness. While returning back to my dorm i was trying to digest the fact that my bestie telling me that I'm jealous of her and that also after all those years of friendship. Guess, I was never her bestie, how can a person change within just a small period of time, I barely recognised her or was she always like that and I get to know this today. What I told her obviously must have hurt her because it was the aim but what she did to me hurt the most. I never had that much friends or anyone to share my thoughts or secrets unlike her ;she can easily make friends . Growing up, I was the one that someone would not scare to lose. I always wished to be loved unconditionally but may be not in this lifetime. I feel so bad, I don't care anymore about anything, I liked someone and I can't express how much I loved him for a stupid reason, I wish that I could live in my dreams or some fictions, I bet life will be amazing without any conditions or even some fake friends . He is not even my friend. It's so fucking unfair. It was it! I could not hold my emotions anymore, I let my tears out. I was facing the ground but then when I lift my head up I saw him. I did not care , I continued crying, staring at him while he stared at me back I wish he could stare at me like that forever.A different emotion but soon when he realized that I'm not the right person for whatever emotion he was trying to share. He looked back at me with pure anger. That's really horrible, I wish I could hug him, getting lost in his arms but as my ex best friend stated earlier may be I'm a psychopath and should let go of certain things. How long should I feel the same strong emotions, for whom my presence meant nothing or even irritates him.

"Drewww my babyyyy!", his bitch jumped from nowhere and hug him as if she has read my mind and just did that to annoy me. It was obvious she was aware of my feelings towards him and the bitch she is, she will teased my ass till no end . She did not forget to kiss him like she was eating his face.

What if I stop pretending, could I not simply be his friend or may be I'm too too desesperante for affection after losing my best friend.

I started to walk towards my dorm when I was stopped by the intentional loud conversation of his girlfriend.

"umm may be we can continue this in your room but your roommate is such an ass right!", Madison (his gf) stated just for the sake of annoying me.

"how did you know about the answer if you even don't ask! Of course, I can keep the Dorm free for you guys and just tell me the time I can get in!", I said positively, I did not want to start up a fight or clearly this would demonstrate that I am an attention seeker.

" well, we cannot have just one session right Drew, may be two hours! ", she replied back expecting a reaction which certainly I won't express. She already knew that he was my crush and the fact that imagining him having sex with another female, is just another level of annoying me.

" well all you need is to ask that someone instead of talking behind her back like a loser", I stated not facing her, trying to show off my confidence in ruining hers.

"well because you are so boring and will stuck just with your books, you are too selfish to give the space for a lovely couple would you?", she stated, trying to get her confidence back in front of her boyfriend.

I decided that I had enough scenes for the first day of being here so I just precipitated towards my new room, fetch a book, my phone and my headset . This took me five minutes. Basically, I think it's a good idea because I needed some me time. While I opened the door, I nearly bumped onto Drew.

"you don't really need to do this, do you need to make that much for a day!", it clearly shows both concern and that may he he thought i would use this as a weapon to fight back another time but really i was enough of life at that moment that i did not really care for any clarifications.

So I left the room,without saying any words. I could notice a victory smile on Madison face. It's true though, she has both my best friend and him, but anyways in this world, the only thing that we are lacking is self love. So, I'm grateful that I actually have myself.

While walking, in front of me was a big tree, I don't know it's name, but it's wide from the top and a very old trunk. I sat under it, put a soothing music, to relax myself and starting to read my book. I don't know what would my life be without a book. It's a friend and a parent. It helps you live thousands of lives within thirty minutes and also give a lot of morals before becoming old. In front of me was a bunch of people, as much as I can see they were having fun and instead of reading my book, I sat there and was reading a live book.

However,I guess this was a gay group and out of nowhere a random 'straight 'guy just ruined everything. He started to lower their standard and I don't know where I got strength and walk towards that group, particularly to that one guy that has disrupted everything.

"tell me if you were left on an island, who would you fuck a dog or one of those you are insulting for no freaking reason. Who do you think you are buddy, just because you think a lot people call you cool then you would do anything and you feel you are cool. There are a lot of people who don't think you are cool but are pity about your reactions because we are educated unlike you.Get into a trouble and see who is going to help you. I'm sure the person that call you cool won't but these people will because they love themselves, they don't need the affirmations of other people and love to help others unlike you. Instead of trying to put others down just for the sake of being cool, know where your place is actually at ;that is below them. Get the fuck out of here, no one needs you here! ", I shouted releasing all my anger on that boy.

" I am sorry! ", he said, which I did not expect at all and he walked away.

" omyyyyy God, girl what you did is fire, damn there are some beautiful people with a kind heart as well. Today we are so blessed to hear that, it was so savage but respectfully" and they all laughed together.

I end up vibing together with them till the evening and I was even invited at dinner time as well. I learnt that they are a group of six friends, Josh, John, Ricky, Luke, Stephan and Paul. Josh and John was a couple, Ricky was the intello, luke gave a dj vibe, Stephan gave a mommy vibe and cook extremely good and Paul is the one that you will keep taking 24/7,his joke was not meant for this universe.Sam has nothing particularly special but everything special.

I end up having a great time finally at the end of the day and head straight towards my room.