Things Not Said

Chapter 12: Kyle

Kyle

The way to the hospital is now so familiar to me, I find my way there in half the time I would normally take. I wave myself through the reception and climb to Allie’s room. Without hesitating, I open the door and step in quietly to the sound of her breathing.

Looking in, I find her sleeping the same way she had when I’d first seen her, only this time without the leg brace. Her hair is spread out the same way and I find her shoulders lifting and falling like before.

I make my way to the windowsill, take the vase, refill it and set the flowers on the side. Taking The Fault In Our Stars out of my bag, I exchange it for last week's book and sit by her bed, not sure what to do next but watch her sleep.

On the wall, I see her guitar leaning againts it where her dad had brought it two months ago when she’d first arrived to the hospital. I pick it up and set it on my lap. Placing my fingers on the right chords, I begin to play. Along with the music, I whisper the words as my fingers etch out the chords.

A warning sign

I missed the good part then I realized

I started looking and the bubble burst

I started looking for excuses.

Come on in

I’ve gotta tell you what a state I’m in

I’ve gotta tell you in my loudest tones

That I started looking for a warning sign

I keep playing and keep singing, whispering the last words.

When the truth is

That I miss you

I stop playing and look at Allie. Suddenly, I find myself singing the first thing that comes to mind as her pale face burns my eyes.

White lips

Pale face

Breathing in snowflakes

Burnt lungs

Sour taste

My heart knows what she’s like inside and I can’t help, but feel this song reminds me of her. I play and think of the last person I'd expect to: my mother.

And they scream

The worst things in life come free to us

Cause we’re just under the upper hand

Go mad for a couple grams

But she don’t wanna go outside tonight

And in a pipe she flies to the motherland

Or sells love to another man

It’s too cold outside

For angels to fly

Allie is my angel and because of others’ mistakes, the cold isn’t going away and her wings have frozen, unable to fly like I know she could.

Her eyes flitter open as I sing louder, thinking the music can help her. She looks at me and I keep playing and singing, hoping she’d smile at me, jump out of the bed and hug me, perfectly fine and healthy so I can make up for the bad things I’ve done. The bad things she can’t remember.

I sing louder and she sits up. Her voice rings out along with mine.

An angel will die

Covered in white