Professor Holland

Chapter Eleven

By high demand here is Chapter Eleven! I hope y'all enjoy and sorry for any spelling mistakes :)

-Maddie<3

I can't believe this happened! Why? Why would I think of him like that. He is a teacher. Well, not in this instant, he's my friend? I don't know because we have to fake date for my stupid family because they won't fucking listen I don't understand this anymore! Maybe I should tell them it wasn't real but now their all up in their heads that we are perfect, when really it's a teacher and a student being friends and you just don't know anymore because this fake dating is doing something to my head that I am not liking. Before this I had normal dreams. Well not necessarily, just not sex dreams and Tom wasn't in any of my others. I hate it. I like being his friend but not his fake girlfriend. He's definitely way more experienced than me. Considering I'm 19 and he's 24.

I sit on my bed. Thinking what will I do?

"Hey Av." Tom says jumping into my bed.
"Hey."
"You all right?" He asks me.
"Yeah. I'm good."
"Okay."

I smile at him.
"This. This whole fake dating thing is I don't know. Weird."

"Yeah, well, they haven't asked to see us kiss or anything so you'll be okay. Plus if I were to kiss you, I'd want it to be for real and not fake."

I look at him.
"Shit. Did I just say that out loud? For fucks sake I'm so sorry."
"No. It's fine."

He smiles.  I smile. Silence.
He puts his arm around me. I lean on him.
I don't like the way this makes me feel. I move. He goes on his phone. I grab my journal and read the next entry.

Entry 3| 9th October
Dear nana,
We visited Sammy. Mum cried. She was so hurt. Ella was confused. So I was I really.

Today I tried listening to Mr Brightside. I couldn't. I listened to the start and broke down. I miss you so much. So much.

You'll be proud to know that I'm going back to school tomorrow. Mum said it will help. So hopefully it will.

All I really wanted to say is that I miss you a lot. I don't know what else really to say.

Love you always and forever, Av.

I close the book and put it on the floor. Now I've realised. I haven't listened to Mr Brightside since.

Tom
I can't believe I told her I if I were to kiss her I want it to be for real! That's never going to happen Tom! I keep telling myself that yet it won't ever stick in my head. I can't be with her. I can't. Though if I were to be with her I'd get fired because the school will think I'm manipulating her. I can't do this. It's a crush! I need to get over myself and stop. She's 19 and has her whole life ahead of her. She shouldn't be messing around with a 24 year old professor.

Romeo and Juliet would be jealous of this.

I hate it. I hate having crushes so much! It makes me almost sick. She's so beautiful. Well if Harrison was here he would say "she's so fit." I am nowhere near like that. I was in high school, but I wasn't a looker so I didn't have much experience with the ladies. Though when I finally had my glow up they were all drooling over me like I was a male model.

I didn't like that.

I look over at her, she's on her phone, laughing at different points and going back to a straight face. Her smile was pretty. No Tom. We can't keep doing this. No more pointing out her perfects, it's not hard to but if I stop, I might get over this silly little crush. I hope I will.