(1) Learn How To Love

An Actual Kiss (Finally)

And suddenly, it was you and Steven. So close it felt like you had never been apart.

Warmth blossomed in your chest, sparks igniting as you looked down at Steven, who sat up slowly. You leaned in close, never taking your eyes off of his. Eventually, your lips brushed together, tentatively, for the first time. Butterflies fluttered around in your stomach, but warmth consumed you as you leaned into the kiss, Steven's lips impossibly soft against your own. As the two of you kissed, the bubble slowly disappeared.

"(Y/N)," Steven breathed, his lips a hair away from yours.

"Yeah?" You smiled with lidded eyes.

Steven sat up, "I... can't do this."

You pulled away, "What? Why?"

"I just... can't," he avoided eye contact.

"What..." you shook your head, "what does that mean, Steven?"

"I really, really, care about you, (Y/N)."

"Is this... oh, shit. I'm sorry, I-" You moved even further from him.

"No- don't be sorry," Steven took your hand in his. "I like you, okay? I really do, I just..."

"You just what?" You interrupted.

"You deserve someone better."

"Someone better? Steven, you're-"

"I know I won't be able to do this," Steven cut you off. "This whole... relationship thing. I'm... I'm really sorry."

"Sorry?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm too scared to go through with this."

"What? What are you scared of?"

"N-Nothing," Steven shook his head and looked away.

"Steven, what is it?" You pressed on.

"Nothing, just drop it."

"No, Steven. I need a reason. I need- an explanation on why you would-"

"I can't get my heart broken again!"

You stared at Steven, who shuddered, in uncomfortable silence.

"I can't," he continued. "It just hurts too much."

"Steven-" you placed your hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged you off.

"I don't want to talk about this- I'm going to sleep."

"What about your nightmares? Are you sure you should go back to sleep now?"

"How did you..." he looked at the tv and sighed. "Great. Perfect," he looked back at you. "It's fine, it's late, and we should both probably get to bed."

You sighed, feeling embarrassed and defeated, and started to stand up; "I'm leaving."

"But what about our plans tomorrow?" Steven stood with you. "Our beach city goodbye tour?"

"Just forget about it, Steven."

Steven, an empath, sensed that you were upset; "Let me drive you home."

"No thanks," you said without looking at him, gathering up your stuff, "I'll walk."

"(Y/N)-" you closed the door behind you before he could say another word.

Your mind wandered against your will- endless thoughts circulating through your mind;

Why did I do that. Why did I do that.

Did he want to kiss me? Or for me to kiss him? I thought he... I thought he wanted that.
I wanted that.

Maybe he doesn't like me enough to take a risk. Maybe I'm not worth it.

Thanks, Steven. Now I feel like shit.

You had just reached the point where sand turned to pavement when a yellow Lamborghini turned a corner and slowed to your walking pace.

You kept your head down and did your best to ignore him- you knew that giving him a reaction would make things worse.

"(Y/N), please just talk to me," Kevin pleaded, leaning out his window.

You just shook your head and watched the ground while you walked.

"I'm sorry."

You stopped walking, but kept your eyes on the ground, arms crossed.

Kevin stopped his car next to you; "I never meant for things to go that far, and I am... so sorry."

You sighed and kept listening.

"It's okay that you don't want to be with me," Kevin looked away. "After what I did, I wouldn't want to be with me either. And I understand."

He looked back at you hopefully; "I won't push it anymore. But I still want you in my life. I missed you, (Y/N). And I would rather be friends than be nothing."

You looked at Kevin, not sure what to say.

"Let me drive you home?" He offered.

You nodded quietly, and slowly got into the passenger seat.

"Are... you okay?" Kevin asked when you sat down. "You look like you've been crying."

You wiped at your cheeks, and sure enough, they were wet. You didn't even realize.

"I uh..." you weren't really sure how to answer the question. "No?"

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