𝑫𝑬𝑨𝑫 𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑽𝑬《 Philippines CountryHumans AU 》

xxxiii.

TW // Heavy mentions of suicide

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Philip sits in the center of his bed, eyes staring out the window distantly, nothing and everything in his mind. Cambodia's visit was certainly amusing, and despite the moment he had with him, unease settled at the bottom of his heart.

Cambodia was pointedly ignoring the glaringly obvious scar that ran down from his right cheek to the left corner of his mouth. It was disgusting to both see and touch, at least for him, and it was a painful reminder that he got shot by two bullets, the first one missing his body but still somehow leaving a ghastly wound, and the other, the center of his forehead.

Philip brings his hand up to touch it. It doesn't hurt, but he can feel the bump on his skin, forever going to be a blemish that would surely cause some eyes to look.

He bit his lip slightly, a soft sigh escaping his lips. Even when he wasn't in control of his body at the time, Philip could feel the absolutely disgusting feeling of his blood escaping his body, pooling around his head.

He could feel it, and he could feel the Second Philip's sharp pain in his heart.

He was not supposed to be here, he was not supposed to be alive. And so, he died the exact same way he did the first time-

...

Hurting.

My heart hurts so much.

Martial is calling me, I can feel my name being said hundreds of hundreds of times, shock and anguish in his voice.

It hurts.

It hurts, kuya.

Martial, I'm not supposed to be here, did you know that? We're not supposed to be here.

I guess it was always meant to be.

I'm sorry for being a bad brother...

Kuya....

...

Philip gasps sharply as his eyes snap open, head throbbing dully as his heart thumps in his chest like it's trying to escape his ribs. What was that? Who said that?

Were those his parallel's second thoughts Philip reaches up to his head, the part which pulses. He feels a migraine coming up. Closing his eyes, he inhales.

It was almost as if someone was trying to force these new memories into his to make him sympathize for the Second Philip.

How was he supposed to meet the next country when he's in a state like this? He internally reprimands himself. How was he supposed to gain the trust of ASEAN to ensure that the next time he runs away, they won't help Martial anymore?

Will he even have the chance to run away again?

Philip took a deep breath. He needs to gather himself, he needs to be calm yet unreadable, just like how he was when he was with Cambodia. He musn't let any of his true emotions show or else...

"I'm sorry for being a bad brother..."

Or else Philip will end up dead, just like his parallel.

Philip takes a deep breath in, inhaling the crisp air before a knock sounds at his door and he flinches. His heart jumps up to his throat to the bottom of his stomach and he curses at himself as he watches the metal door like a hawk.