𝑫𝑬𝑨𝑫 𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑽𝑬《 Philippines CountryHumans AU 》

xxvii.

Philip.

Who is Philip?

Is Philip the original 'Philip' of this strange world? Or is Philip the intruder, the person who had been forcefully dragged into a home identical to his own?

Sometimes, Philip is disillusioned.

What if this was all just a dream? Something that had been conjured in his subconscious in order to throw him off. To teach a lesson to the stubborn, you need to be equally as stubborn. What if, he was back in his own world, his own home, back with his own family?

Back with his Martial?

Sometimes, Philip doesn't even know who he is anymore. He put up so many facades— meek and shy, oblivious and naive, strong and intimidating, hell, he even dressed up as a woman!

But he doesn't know if all the makeup and masks and facades had been muddled into one. He doesn't know if he was the same as the Philip who first awoke in another universe.

Right now, he isn't even in his own body.

It's frustrating. Frustrating beyond belief and yet, he can do nothing but sit still and watch as his parallel takes control.

Back when he was on the run, Philip wonders, 'if everything has mulled over, and I'm back at home in my own world... will Martial even recognize me?'

No, his subconscious would whisper, and he knew for a fact that it wasn't the Second Philip gaslighting him with a voice so similar to the one in his head, he won't. Martial will look at you as if you were an entirely different person, because you have seen things no person could mentally handle.

Philip has seen himself die in someone else's memories. Philip has seen himself in paintings he didn't commission. Philip has seen himself in his head, talking and taunting and mocking him his dreams.

If this is all truly just a dream, then he wishes to just die. Because your brain is supposed to protect you, not subject you to horrors and confusion so draining that you cannot help but think that death is the only escape.

And right now, watching as someone else pilots his own body, Philip thinks—

'I want to die.'

____________________

"Fuck— Why is this body so weak?" 'Philip' mumbles, doubling over once more. He'd been at this for hours, standing up, trying to walk, and doubling over. 'Philip' yelps as he falls over one more time before groaning in frustration and rolling over on his back.

The sharp blades of grass that dug into his nape, the soft cloth that wrapped around his skin, the cool breeze that sweeps by ever so often— it makes 'Philip' shiver.

God, was this what it felt like to feel? It was... a familiar feeling. It's been 3 and a half years since his death, and exactly 1 year after the tresspassing bitch woke up in his room.

Well, he couldn't really call Philip 'tresspassing,' since he technically was the reason why the guy was here in the first place.

It was tough trying to seal him at the back of his mind so that he wouldn't speak, but alas, he did it. But it did drain him considerably, and the proof of it was right here.

His legs were already shaking, trying to muster the strength to lift himself up so that he could finally learn to walk decently.