Nandito ako ngayon sa kusina para ipagluto ng makakain namin. Nakatalikod ako at nakamasid lang siya sa likod. Hindi ko siya nakikita pero nararamdaman ko ang mga titig niya. I try to restrain my feelings from his shameless stares.
Tahimik ang paligid at tanging naririnig lamang ang mga galaw ko. Even though I was born with a silver spoon where everything is handed to me I never forgets to work in my own specially when I start to live alone.
I was too young to experienced all of these. I was too young in everything.
Kahoy ang pinag lulutuan ko at nahihirapan akong sindihan ito. Pero ang lalaking ito ay hindi pa rin gumagalaw para tulungan ako. He enjoying it. Umiling na lang ako at sinindihan ito. Naglagay din ako ng papel para mas masindihan at gumawa ng apoy.
Nilingon ko siya at sa paglingon ko nagtama ang paningin namin. Hindi niya pa rin talaga ina alis ang nga titig niya. Ang madilim niyang mga mata na parang malalim lagi ang ini isip. An eyes that can give you a roller coaster ride. Feeling that can make you feel the highest of the high and the lowest of the low.
"What?" Naiinis na tanong ko sa kanya.
"I cannot believe that you are here.. with me. In front of me... " He chuckled. "Something as valuable as you doesn't deserved to be here in the very first place".
Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya. Nakokonsensiya na ba siya. Akala ko noon malakas na ako at handa na akong harapin siya. Pero nandon pa rin ang takot, his feelings is valid but his actions are not.
"Then, let me go".
"I can't... I just can't" mahinang sabi niya na halos pabulong na.
He look at me with his serious eye kung kanina sa tingin ko ay ini insulto niya ako ngayon napaka seryoso niya.
"Look, Sebastian I don't deserve this. I have a life too. I have a dream too. Pakawalan muna ako".
"Why would I? Hindi ako tanga na papakawalan ka lang basta basta crystal? Sa akin ka lang. Dito ka lang."
Huminto siya at tinignan ako. "Even this is illegal. Even this situation would served as my greatest sin. It is my mistake that I would do over and over again".
Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko. There was a silence again between us again.
Ang Bigat Bigat ulit ng pakiramdam ko. Trying to hide my emotions na natatakot na ako. Na kinakabahan na ako. Na hindi ko na kaya..na kasama pa siya rito.
Pakiramdam ko may iba pa siyang nais iparating. I dont want him to crossed that line. I'm ignoring my feelings. Hindi ko kayang tumaya sa ganitong sitwasyon.
Kumakain na kaming dalawa at tanging tunog lang ng kutsara ang naririnig.
"Masarap ang luto mo" he said while eating.
Hindi ko siya pinansin at pinag patuloy ang pagkain ko. Tinitigan ko siya at nakita ko na tuloy tuloy ang subo niya
At mukhang sarap na sarap nga. Ngayon lang din siguro siya nakakain ng totoong pagkain.
Gusto ko na siyang talikuran at mabilis ko ng tinapos ang pagkain ko. Tumayo ako paalis sa lamesa. Hindi ako tumuloy sa kwarto kung saan niya ako kinukulong. Nilibot ng mata ko ang paligid.
I have a chance to skip pero sinong pinapatawa ko? Kung lalabas ako I will die literally by a bite of some monster out there.
Binuksan ko ang nakasaradong bintana. Pinikit ko ang mata ko at naramdamam ko ang dampi ng hangin sa aking balat. Hanggang kailan ako rito?
Sebastian hindi mo Dapat ito ginagawa.You are the person who I trusted the most back then. Someone who I can lean on. You and Leon. But I guess our situation really changed us. This is not the life that we dream of. You are capable of hurting me, capable of breaking me.
I open my eyes when I feel something staring at me. It was him...
As he slowly walked towards me, there it was again, the feeling I shouldn't feel. The racing beat of it ..was like music in my ears. A serene one....I'm nervous yet calm. Ano bang pakiramdam to.
I cannot describe it. Of course, something inside me was distracted by his presence, but something else was also peaceful knowing that he was beside me, but of course, my emotions didn't show up in my facsimile.
"Why are you here" I manage to sound normal. Naisip ko I wanted to give myself a round of applause for being the great pretender. Talento ko na ata 'yon.
Nanahimik siya na parang may malalim na ini-isip. May gusto siyang sabihin pero parang pinipigilan niya lang ang sarili niya pero kalaunan ay nagsalita rin siya "What is the life you want, Crystal? You said you have a life too. A life of what? A life of being with your family?" He said with his sarcastic tone.
My family. Natawa ako sa naisip niya. A life with them. I have been standing for them with all of my life because that's what's family should be. Pamilya ko sila but they treated me like an outcast. I really do care about them because they are my blood. However blood doesn't signify belonging.
"A life that is free Sebastian"
