Dirty thoughts

8

"Ma was i'm home!" I yell from the front door. I took off my heels because walking in 3in heels at 6 in the morning seemed like 20 in heels.

I heard no answers so I assume she was sleeping. I went up to my bathroom and took a nice hot shower. After I came out my finger were all shriveled up, but on the bright side I felt clean and nice.

When I finished dressing my phone started ringing. I looked over to the bed to see that Julian was calling me. My heart sank at the memorization of what I did to him last night.

I felt guilty, I felt more than guilty. It feels like taking a cookie out of the cookie jar even though your mom told you not to, but you did anyways.

I picked up before it rang out. I was to scared to speak, I felt like he was going to yell at me. Which I deserved, and surprisingly he didn't.

Julian: babe?

His voice sounded hurt and concerned at the same time. I'm happy he called me babe because if he didn't that would mean he had thoughts of breaking up.

Me: Julian I'm sorry about last-

Julian: it's ok.

Julian said it like he meant it. It didn't sound forced, or he didn't sound like he was saying it for me.

Me: Really?

Julian: yea, I understand plus part of that ass whopping was my fault too.....

Justin took a long pause before continuing.

Julian:.......that doesn't mean I'm not hurt though. Valentina your my girlfriend, and when you just up and left like that it hurt...... truthfully I was embarrassed the way I got beat up, but what hurt the most was you leaving. I needed you after all the shit went down but you were gone. Gone with him.

I could hear the hurt in his voice and it made me feel ever more guilty and sad. He is right I'm his girlfriend not Aces. I should have stayed and took care of him but instead I went with a guy who played with my emotions 1 to many times. Julian had never made me question his intentions, not like Ace. And there I was leaving Julian on the floor bloody for some jerk.

If I could punch myself and beat myself up I would, because what I did was straight up wrong.

Me: Julian.... I don't know what this means for us now, but you have to know I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry, I wasn't thinking and I know that's no excuse. I really don't have any excuses I was a complete ass and maybe even more, but please don't break up with me. Truthfully you make me happy, you make me feel better about myself, and even though ace has done those things. Jaylin I rather be with you.

I felt so pathetic giving him some fuck girl speech like that but all I said was true. Yes ace made me feel nice and warm but he did some fucked up shit. Not even I would do some petty shit like that.

Julian: v, I was never going to break up with you. I wanted to called to see where I stand in your life and where does he stand. Because I really don't feel like fighting for your heart and getting beaten up because your still deciding who to love.

He was right. It's not fair that he has to get beat up because of me or feel like he has to share me with another guy. Because if it were me I'd feel like complete shit. I know what I have to do, but if I'm being honest I don't want to do it.

Me and Ace have been friends for as long as I could remember and I don't want this to be the end of our relationship. Ace made me feel things I've never felt before. He made me feel loved and he made me feel like I was there and not just present.