I Still Do

Chapter 7

(A Sky Full Of Stars By Coldplay)

Wilbur's Pov

"Look my beloved! I'm a banana!" Ranboo shouted as he ran around Skylar in a banana costume.

We were all at Tommy's flat right now. Attempting a baking stream.

"I see that- Wait, why do you have a banana costume? Where did you even get that from?!" She laughed before Selina ran back to the kitchen with an evil smile on her face.

"Strawberry Shortcake?" Selina called out, causing Tommy to scream. Literally scream.

His hair wasnt even pink anymore, but this was fucking funny. Nora and Tubbo then walked in the door and sat down on the couch. The chat started freaking out which caused all of us to laugh.

"Okay! Cooking stream I am here to rescue everyone." Skylar got up and walked to the kitchen.

The camera faced the kitchen so everyone can see them.

Skylar then went into mom mode and helped them all not burn down Tommy's kitchen. I was very glad that she did that, though Ranboo was running around her in a circle saying, I'm a banana. We all got a laugh out of it.

"Do you need a ride home?" Nora asked me as I was getting ready to leave.

Nora had just gotten a car, and was using it as much as she could. She loved her car. She even named it.

"No thank you. I'm going to my parents flat." I smiled at her softly before saying my goodbyes to everyone and leaving.

I needed to talk to my mother. I've been so in my head lately, I just need her. I need someone to tell me that I can get through everything, even if I can't.
I need the brutal honesty that a mother has.

I ran my fingers through my hair and closed my eyes as I stood in front of my old flat. I knocked on the door and heard a shout. My mother then quickly opened the door with a smile on her face.

"Wilbur! Honey! Wilbur is hom- back." My mother caught her slip up and I was very thankful that she did.

Ever since the accident, I haven't been able to call this place home. The only place I can call home, is her. My mother moved out of the way and I walked into the flat. The air was suffocating, and I felt like I was drowning in it.

"We just put dinner away, can I heat something up for you if you would like?" My father said, as he walked into the room.

"No, I'm good, dad, thank you though." I smiled at how quick he was to tend to me.

"What are you doing here?" My mother asked before I sat down on the sofa next to her.

My father then went back to putting things away in the kitchen.

"I need to talk to you."

My mothers face morphed into confusion, and I picked at my nails.

"What's going on?" She asked, looking at my face.

I could tell that my face was pale, I probably looked like I was going to pass out.

"Well. I-" I paused and took in a breath.

"I've been having a really hard time."

"What's happening?"

"Phil walked in on me again, in the middle of a breakdown. It was the worst one yet. Mum, I can't do this much longer. I can't live my life. It hurts so fucking much."

"Will, you need to let go of the things that are blocking you from being able to live your life. I know it hurts, I know how much you loved her. But she would not want you to be upset. She would want you to fight. She would want you to be yourself, and live your life."

"I feel like I am disappointing her."

The silence took over us and she smiled sadly at me. My father sat down next to her and didn't say anything. My heart shattered more than I thought it would ever. I didn't think it was possible for my heart to break as much as it has, but it continues to break more and more.

"All of us know that, what you just said is a big lie. She would be thrilled for you, Will. You've accomplished all of your goals that you talked about with her. Ones that we didn't even know about! She would be beyond proud of you. We are proud-" My mother ranted, and I just sat there taking deep breaths.

"I'm so proud of you Wilbur. I really am, and I don't say that a lot, and I should. You are doing so amazing, and I know that you can get through this. As hard as it may be, I know that you'll fight for every second of it."

I swallowed the lump that was sitting in the back of my throat as my father kept rambling on. My father was not one to give advice, but here he was, giving me advice that I needed to hear.

"Sometimes you can love someone so much, but you have to let go." My mother placed her hand on my cheek and brought my face down.

I laid my head on her shoulder and I cried. I let myself cry in front of my parents, and I didn't hold back.

"I don't want to let go." I sobbed and my mother rubbed my back.

"I know. None of us do." My Dad mumbled as my mother continued trying to comfort me.

"I don't believe in soulmate shit, but that girl- that was it. She was my lifeline, my everything. And it got ripped from me, just like that." I snapped my fingers while speaking the last sentence.

My phone started ringing, and I let it. I shut it down and closed my eyes once more. I took deep breaths and my fists clenched because of how upset I was.

Therapy didn't work, neither did any exercises they tried to teach me. I've been through it too much. Everything is engraved into my head.

"We loved her. Not in the way that you loved her, but god, we wanted to see you live forever with her. I wanted to watch you get married to her, I wanted to watch you start a family, follow your dreams. You didn't deserve this, Wilbur. You deserve so much more than what life has given you." My mother ran her fingers through my hair, and I pretended that they were hers.

Of course, nothing could compare, but god how I wish it was her.

Life just isn't going in my favor right now. Yes, I followed all of my dreams, but the one thing I wanted was taken.

"You're carrying so much weight on your back, and you're going to hit a breaking point soon, and shatter harder than you ever had. Make sure it's not at the wrong person, because you won't be able to control yourself." My father suggested and I sighed.

"It's been seven years, and I still love her. I hate her so fucking much."

My mother let a sob escape her after I said that. She hugged me tightly as I cried into her arms.

"I hate her so fucking much because I still love her."

"You will always love her. You just have to decide what you want to do with that love, and how you want to act with it."

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