𝗦𝗖𝗔𝗥𝗟𝗘𝗧 𝗥𝗘𝗗• 𝗦. 𝗞𝗔𝗡𝗚

𝑡 𝑤 𝑒 𝑛 𝑡 𝑦 𝑛 𝑖 𝑛 𝑒

- groundbreaking

[Y u n  R y u n g]

It hurts, so much so that I've forced my brain to believe it has numbed. It has been released and non existent.

Why hasn't the pain stopped? Even though my breaths no longer fill my lungs and I can no longer feel the sweat dripping down my forehead nor the smell of the rustic walls or the hollow wooden doors that used to narrow my helpless figure.

I still feel everything.

I told Sae-byeok to let go. Yet I can barely let go myself. Even when minutes have passed and the scar still reserves the lower part of my body. Even when my eyes are slowly turning to white. I can still feel every inch of my body shutting down.

Having a thoughtless brain and no way to escape it, makes this process even more lonely.

I wonder how she's going, if she's okay. If she's accepted the fact I have left.

That she knows I love her.

I love her so much that no writer or poet could ever muster the pure and raw feeling I feel for her. No words or actions could recapture every aspect of what I feel.

They don't know that every time I look at her it makes my bones feel weak. That every time I'm near her my throat feels like it's tightening. That even the second I met her, it was so hard not to find her beautiful.

That even within these 6 days I have completely devoted myself to her. Even if I live knowing she'll never know. Unknowingly being the only thing that still fills my almost empty mind.

That she was the only thing to keep my breaths steady even as I said goodbye.

It hurts so much more now. Hurts knowing she'll never know.

She'll know never know the things I wanted to say. The things I wanted to show her. Just a second of her presence would assure me.

My fingers lightly wipe my cheeks, I can't feel the tears falling from my eyes but I can see it as the water marks the pads of my fingers.

I can't feel the wound on my abdomen but I can see the blood seep through my white t-shirt.

I can't feel my hands shaking. But I can see it. I see my veins popping out of my skin and the blue lines vaguely outlining them.

I wish I hadn't shook her hand. I wish I had refused and walked away. Instead I had to risk both of our lives. But still even when paying the price my decision would've still stand.

Just when I thought the surface has been smoothened cracks start to form. Just when I thought the waves had stopped crashing they continued to grow. Crashing and colliding with the rocks, smashing the small pebbles deeper into the small crevices between each stone.

My head feels so heavy as each thought that forms in my head starts to spin. Moving in a fast carousel and I can't stop it. It's moving to fast. The more I try to touch it the faster it gets. I can hear them, they're so loud. So loud it feels as if it's bursting my eardrums deaf.

This overwhelming wave of emotions hit me. Hit me so aggressively and so harshly a brick hitting my head would've been far more preferred.

All I see is her.

Nothing but her.

It's making my heart burn. Setting fire to each vessel and vein under my skin.

Even the feelings I thought to be dead rose to the plain surface. Cracking and creasing it. Hammering and drilling through the concrete I had built over me just to prevent all of this.

And somehow it's slowly crumbling.

How could one person make me feels so much relief and sorrow at the same time. How can I love them and hate them at the same time?

So much is happening it makes me want to faint. But I can't, I can't if I'm already dead.

There nothing left. Just this.

Just being slowly pushed to the ground by your own emotions and thoughts.

Slowly being nailed and flattened.

I hate this. Yet I'm still tolerating every second of it.

It's so strong, so strong in fact it's nearly groundbreaking.

A/N:

I rly hope this wasn't to confusing-

Also sorry for the short chapter...

i n d i g o