How I Feel

Quick Rant (unedited)

I'm writing this just because i need to get some shit out of my mind. *SWEARING CONTENT* Leave now if it bothers you...

***********************************************************************************************************************

I rather give you up tha to go through that system...

I rather go to jail than go through this shit,

I didnt get myself in this mess, your mother did.

I am in the worst part of this case right now!

Do you kno what it is for this state to get an F in solving

This sort of problem? An F! A motherfucking F!!!

***********************************************************************************************

How great,

This morning he talks about a stupid hunger strike and going to the news or waht not.

And now hes already giving up on me, great!

Hes in a fucking mood thats pissing me off!

He starts saying how im a bad student,

How I dont give a fuck about anything like James!

Like, sure! Thats so encouraging towards me!

Go ahead tell me how fucked up I am!

What a screw up!

I want to blow my brains off or out or up or what ever the fuck!

I cant even think clearly!

Theres so much going on in my brain that You'll NEVER understand

If you could read my brain right now you'd tell me what a stupid, jealous, smartass, ungratefull, pittifull, depressed, bitch I am. Probably tens of thousands of other things too!

I feel like I have no REAL friends, My "bestfriend" abandons me, my crush STILL has NO idea i exist, I'm fucking depressed as hell but I STRUGGLE SOOOO BAD to hide it, I really am better in school, away from home, I feel like running away every fucking day. I want my mom so bad, but i HATE her she fucking betrrayed me! Shes a fake assed bitch like everyone else I know. Well thats how i feel because thats how everyone treats me! They use me for something, or they act fake as fuck and then turn their backs and bitch about me! LEAVE ME ALONE!

I want to move, as far away as i like, I want to go to California! I want to be someone, and meet true people. I want to travel, and be on my own for a while.

I so fucking mad because I've lked the same fucking guy since 6th grade!!!! And i just cant stop, I try but i cant! I did for 7th grade but it didnt last long... It also doesnt help that i see him once a week or that hes dating the "hottest" girl in his school. WTF kill me now...

I just want SOMEONE anyone! I need comfort... real comfort and closure that i wont be judged and that i can relate to someone like Steph but i cant tell her everything, because i think she'll judge me or call me a fake assed bitch because she wont understand my mind. NO ONE understands my mind if EVEN I dont understand my own mind. I have a therapist, but i cant tell her everything either.... shes gonna judge me... I lie to her.

My mom is coming to New York on Saturday! She says shes renting a room at the YMCA and i was like WTF -_- they rent? yes, they rent i googled it. Ok anyways, now its gonna get more stressfull, because of the court case but i cant even talk anymore I ran out of words in my brain..... UGH Bye.

******************__________________************************_________________*********************____

Sorry for this being all over the place and m probably gonna un publish this, but since no onone reads this im ok... if this was TMI for ou too bad i wrote it and im having mixed emotions right now so i could gice less of a crap, sorry.

I really am sorry though for all the swearing but thats how my mind really is when im mad or having mixed emotions. A MESS right? Oh well bye.