How I Feel

Fairy Tale

I pretend a lot... Or imagine often.
I imagine what it's like to have something I don't have.
I imagine that I have it and what I would do with it.

Be it a person or an object.
I always think about it.
I come up with all these scenarios.
All these conversations, even arguments.
Sometimes I even go as far as crying about it.

Pathetic I know.
But I can't seem to stop this pattern of thinking I have created.
In some cases I think about my own family.

I imagine what it would be like...
To have a normal family.
To not have many half-siblings because your father was a ladies man who often married.

I imagine what it would be like to live with my older brothers...
I picture us arguing about silly things, playing pranks, playing video games, and even the most cliché thing; them being overprotective when anyone dares to look at their baby sister the wrong way.
I imagen riding to school and going to their football and baseball games, or waiting for them to come out of practice.

I imagine what it would be like to live with my two older sisters...
To see them grow up and learn from them.
Talk to them about things I wouldn't go to my parents about.
Talk about boys, girl-friends, clothes, makeup, and the latest trends.
To ask them advice and have a shoulder to cry on or lean on when I needed one.

I imagine what it would be like if my parents were "normal".
You know the occasional parents who fell in love and have been happily married ever since.
With two kids and great jobs, they juggle their life.
Friday's come around and they have movie night.
Then comes Saturday and its family game night.
Dinners are always spent together at a table talking about their days and laughter fills the house.

But I'm only left with my imagination and left to pretend on my own.
So I guess I'll leave it at that.
Now that ice left you with a fragment of what goes on in my mind...

I can still only imagine.