The New Step Sister

Twenty Nine

I slowly lean back, resting my head on the pillow and pulling the covers up to my neck. My eyes drift upward to the white blank ceiling. Still reeling from what had just taken place, I take a shaky breath. 

Oh. My. God. 

Did I really just let Jimin do that to me?

And he came inside me?! 

What do I do now?!! What if I get pregnant?! They say it only takes one time... what if...

"Y/N are you going to answer me or not?" I heard a voice say. 

I snap out of my intrusive thoughts and turn to Jimin whose eyes brows are raised in annoyance. 

I choke out "What?"

He sighs and rolls his eyes. He reaches over to his nightstand and grabs his phone. As he scrolls looking disinterested he  plainly says "Just go get a plan b."

I stare blankly at him, unable to catch up to reality. 

He takes his eyes off his phone for a moment to side-eye me and scoffs. "That is, if you don't already have some stashed away. With all the whoring you do, I'd be surprised if you didn't."

Eyes widening, mouth agape, tightly gripping the covers in anger... I could only imagine how furious I looked. What the hell! How dare you say that to me! You fuck me then treat me like trash you asshole!

Those are the words I wanted to say... to scream. But for some reason, I couldn't. The anger swelled up and was caught in my throat. 

An image flashed in my mind. I saw Jimin when I took the photo of him in the garden surrounded by beautiful flowers.... flowers almost as beautiful as him. His tenderness... kindness... lovingness. Where were they now? Did... did I do this to him? Was I responsible for capturing his heart and crushing it to the point where he would treat me like this? 

I raise my hand to my forehead in an attempt to keep my head from spinning. I close my eyes and a single hot tear runs down my cheek. All I could muster was a whisper, "Why?" 

When I open my eyes I see a hint of guilt in Jimin's face. But it quickly turned to bitterness. He shoves out of bed and stands up. "I thought you wanted this. I thought you wanted someone who is fucked up and treats you bad!"

"What are you talking about?!"

"Like Jungkook okay!" 

"Is he the reason why you are acting like this? Because you want to... emulate him?"

Jimin stares at me for a moment. He opens his mouth as if he was going to continue his rant but nothing comes out. He slowly kneels back onto the bed, shuffling closer to me. He drops his head in defeat. He softly says, "I thought if I was more like him... and Taehyung...more like what you desired... you would want me." 

"... and Taehyung?" 

Jimin rubs his face and brushes his hair back. "I see the way he looks at you. I figured that it wasn't just me and Jungkook you were with." He meets my gaze and sees the taken aback look on my face and darts his eyes away. "I wanted to be dominant... uncaring...or maybe... I-I don't know."

I gulped, trying to hold back the swirl of emotions rising in me. Deliberating in my mind, I let loose a breath and spit out what I've been thinking about myself the entire time. 

"Or maybe I really am just a whore."

My head lowers in shame. This is the realization that has been dormant in the back of my mind. 

Jimin raises his hand to hold my mine but hesitates and retreats. I can sense him looking at me with regret. "I know what I said earlier was..." he sighs, trying to find the words. "It was horrible and I didn't mean it."

I slightly raise my head enough to look back at him. "But I do. Maybe that's the explanation as to why I keep going back to you guys even when I tell myself that I shouldn't. That I am a slut!" 

At this point my face was soaked with tears. I hug the covers to my eyes, almost as if it is a barrier between me and the outside world. 

I feel an arm comfort around my shoulder and tug me close in. The warmth and sweet touch was able to calm my nerves. 

"No I don't believe that." Jimin's velvet voice would make anyone fall in love with him. "You want to know what I think?"

I peak out from the covers to see what he has to say. He makes eye contact and smiles a pleasant grin, making me feel more at ease. 

"I think suddenly being thrown in a big family and a new house was perhaps too much. And being a young woman... blossoming into an adult... made you want to explore your sexuality and your pleasures. Making mistakes on your journey doesn't make you a horrible person. All you can do is strive to be better so you don't..." he pauses for a moment, reflecting. "So you don't hurt the ones that mean the most to you." 

I leaned closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes in solace. "Thank you Jimin. What you said was very wise."

He softly laughed and squeezed me tighter.