Just as You Are || Death Note || L

Chapter 34: Me, Myself, and You

The hotel door swings open, only for Katelyn to be met with Matsuda's bright smile. "Hey, welcome back." He says as he hold the door open for her.

"Hey Matsu. How'd things go?"

"Okay I guess. Nothing too eventful. We're just wrapping up the briefing." Katelyn nods as she looks over towards the others in the common area. "What about at Ayoama and Shibuya? Anything interesting?"

She sighs wearily as she recounts the events, "More disappointing than interesting."

"Matsuda! Quit goofing off and stay focused!" The chief says from the couch. Matsuda mumbles an apology before returning to the group.  Katelyn leans against the kitchen counter, listening in on the briefing when she notices L. His eyes glance her direction, before moving back to the chief, then back again in between speaking. His head cocks, as if to ask why she hadn't taken a seat next to him yet, as he expected.

With a sting beginning to prick behind her eyes, she's no longer able to hold gaze with him, defaulting to looking to the ground at her feet, brows furrowed. Before her lingering thoughts take over, she decides it best to retreat to her room while she can still slip away unnoticed by the others.

At her room, Katelyn shuts the door behind her and throws off the restricting clothes that have been suffocating her throughout the day. The garments remain in the spot they land, and she opens her drawer to pull on something comfortable.

Stepping through a pair of leggings, she pulls them up on her hips, and brings a sweatshirt over her arms and pushes her head through the opening. With nothing else needing attention, she crawls into bed and pulls the covers over her legs before she can be swallowed by the dimly lit room. With her back against the heavy wooden headboard, she sinks into the soft mattress to be left alone with her thoughts.

How? How could she so easily mistake a complete stranger for her own mother? She was so sure it was her. It looked just like her. Yes, from a distance, but even as she got closer. Up to the time she touched the older woman's shoulder, she fully expected her mother to turn and pull her into a crushing hug. A warm hug.

Before she realizes, tears escape her eyes and dampen her face, the droplets hitting the collar of her shirt. Though try to wipe them away, she might, it's no use. Like a concrete wall beginning to crumble, so do her tears so easily fall from her eyes. As her body begins to rack from her sobbing, she grabs the pillow beside her to bury her head into it, as a way to muffle the sound. Overcome with emotion and thus no longer able to think of the days events, she only longs to return to the life she once knew.

As she cries into her pillow, she hears a knock at the door. "Katelyn?"

She stiffens, but lifts her head enough for her eyes to lock onto the door. She clears her throat before calling out, "Yes?"

"Is something wrong?"

"Fuck." She mumbles under her breath, "No. nothings wrong."

"Then may I come in? The others have left."

"Fuck!" She mumbles again while attempting to wipe away all traces of tears. "Yeah."

The knob turns before the door slowly swings open and Katelyn doesn't bother to look in L's direction. As the door closes behind him, he notices her clothes and garments discarded in the floor before his eyes fall onto her balled up figure on the bed. Since she refuses to look at him, he moves to the opposite side of the bed before leaning down in front of her.

Examining what he can of her features, as most of them are still hidden behind her pillow, he hums in thought. "Clearly something is bothering you. Otherwise you wouldn't be locked away in your room crying."

"I know... I just didn't see a point in saying anything." She mumbles from behind her pillowy fortress, her eyes still refusing to meet his.

"May I join you?"

"Sure."

He steps up into the bed and moves to the empty space beside her. "I... um..."

L's not use to comforting people. He's not use to much of anything in regards to other people actually. Grumbling in thought, he shifts in his spot before patting the spot between his legs. "Sit here."

Katelyn looks over to him with puffy red eyes, only to see him patting a spot of the bed between his legs. Rolling her eyes, she scoffs at him. "Oh god please, don't be ridiculous. I'll crush you."

"Katelyn..." At the sound of his stern tone, she hesitantly looks over to an unamused L. Her lip quivers as another tear glistens down her cheek.

"Are-are you sure?"

Unwrapping one of her hands from around the pillow she clutches, L brings her in between his legs and pulls her in by her waist. "Yes, I'm sure."

A wave of grief washes over her as she melts into his hold. Silently she cries with her face buried into his chest as a hand grips his shirt, her body occasionally racking from a sob. Not sure what to say, L rubs her back and gently plays with her hair as he gives her the time she needs as an attempt to console her.

She had been doing so good for so long. Not just with dealing with her homesickness, but for keeping her feelings for L at bay. And neither have either been more prevalent than they are now. If she allows this to continue, how can she live in a world where he doesn't exist? On the other hand, what if she never returns to begin with?

As her cries lessen, she rests the side of her head against his chest. "I'm sorry. This isn't something you need to deal with."

"Please, don't apologize." He says as he wipes away stray tears.

He looks down to the woman wrapped comfortably in his arms. With only a moment to ponder the action, L places a lingering kiss atop her head, her soft hair ticking his nose.

She holds him tighter as she nuzzles into him, her chest tightening from the unexpected gesture. Though it was only on top her head, she couldn't believe it. L kissed her. It was only for a brief moment, but a moment nonetheless. Were it not for her current state, perhaps she'd yearn to taste his soft, sugary lips. Greedy, she knows, but not now. For in this moment, she only wishes to be held. Yet, as comfortable as she may be, she fights the heaviness in her eyes, only for her to slowly lose the battle.

The one definite she has is the now, here in L's arms. So she'll live in the now while she can.