Izumi in the Other Side of her World

CHAPTER 15 - ELEVATOR DOWN TOKYO SKYTREE

As we all go down the Skytree, I decide that I want to take some of my time staring into the distance of the place. And looking up in the sky, in the Sky Arena. While everyone else may be enjoying around here playing. Many of the couples and group of friends here, I would feel jealous at them again... for having it well tonight. I want to look up so that my tears won't fall.

   Yoshioka starts wondering if I'll ever be okay here. I tell him: "I'll be okay here. It's okay. Thank you for everything. Keep safe." While I sniffle and try to wipe my tears away. "I'm sorry once again." He says. He bows, and leaves home. Same goes with Matsuda and Nobutani following him along. It may be true, even when it does hurt.

    But in there, Matsuri, Miyajima, and Tanaka decides to stay here by my side. As we both live in Shibuya. Matsuri even bothers to buy me a sweet treat from downstairs. Miyajima and Tanaka apologizes for what has happened. In which I tell them not to.

   Matsuri: "It's okay. It's not easy. It's very hard. But you'll be okay." I wanted to ask her: "What went wrong?" "Nothing really went wrong. It just happened because you're both young. It happens naturally, a lot. That's how you truly find the one you love. You don't give up."

   "No... I mean, it's something else." I answer. Honestly, I was only confessing from expressing. I could understand if Yoshioka isn't the one. I just really liked him and thought that if we could be more than what we are.

    But really. It's something else that is bothering me from his rejection. I couldn't blurt it out right to Matsuri. In the right way or words.

    So instead, I was freed to cry out all my tears. Letting the moderately loud voice out from a heart where it's cracks gotten longer. And have my tears fall out of a waterfall. They all spare me the time to cry everything out. Or feel like I've been torn.

    Miyajima starts whispering something to Matsuri. So she takes out my phone to borrow, with earphones playing Plastic Love. Oddly in which wipes away my tears slowly but surely. Drop by drop.

    Later, I would start asking Tanaka; because I wonder: "Who is your favorite character in Alice in Borderland?" "Alice. The one by Kento Yamazaki. Sometimes I don't like to work." She answers.

"How about in Squid Game?" "I feel like I relate most to Gi-Hun. I have a lot of problems." And then I start to giggle. Thinking that this is later getting comforting.

    We all decide to take a walk around the Sky Arena under a bunch of lights. It was a fun simple experience, and we even pleaded Tanaka to sing Plastic Love for us. In words, she was really good at it. Out in the busy but light evening especially. It's like she was really mentored by Mariya Takeuchi.

   That I was kidding. But would be cool though. Until later, Miyajima and Tanaka decide to go back down to the station. Just the two of them. Asking us, we let them because I thought of chilling here just for a little longer. And so they left. Except right after that second, I would feel most comfortable at the subway with them perhaps.

   Right before any train would pick them up, Matsuri and I rush to see them again. In reconsideration.

   And as later we arrive in Shibuya, and step by step crossing the scramble crosswalk; we start saying a warm Arigato-gozaimasu, and Oyasumi to Miyajima and Tanaka. With a hug from each. "Thank you for everything. We're going to leave off here." I tell them both. "Stay safe. Good luck in your flight." They both reply in Japanese. And I am left off with a slight smile. And turn my back home.

    I still never expected I could become friends with them.

    I take a warm shower and preparation before going to bed. And now I think it's the right time to tell Matsuri what is truly bothering me from being rejected. "What is it really?" She asks.

  My true reason, "I think I failed, in the true scale of being here." "What do you mean?" She asks again. Me: "I don't think I'd ever deserve this. I mean, I don't think I'd belong here. I feel like, Yoshioka doesn't really like me here.

     I still feel like I don't deserve a good life here. Maybe I have been tried to be indicated, they don't like me here. And my life shouldn't be good here. Could be in a point, maybe Miyajima and Tanaka secretly don't like me. And would play with me and my mind."

    Matsuri: "Could be? Where did you get those thoughts?"

Me: "I don't know, and I don't even want to know. Maybe looking back from my alienated thoughts. Back then before, I remember Philippines makes me live too old and plain as an old home. And now I felt like Japan made me think I couldn't live a good different life here.

     I don't know if I would go to place to place, and like it there even. I have not tried, and I would be afraid that I am just going without feeling or thought."

   Matsuri: "Okay. I get you kinda. It's true that maybe, you'd get scared. And hitting this, you'd wanna turn back. It's hard. But I think you did really well actually. You still have a long way to go."

     Me: "And because I am leaving tomorrow, I think I was left on a little progress for nothing. I don't know if I would go for my dream in settling here. A different place."

   Matsuri: "Why are you so hard on it? I don't really get it. Forgive me, but that will happen anyways. The way I see it, you did very well actually. You were learning a lot about Japan, and you're decent in Japanese. All you have to do, is go through it and enjoy. And please don't worry about Yoshioka rejecting you anymore. It's definitely not easy, but it's not your fault. You just have more in store. I know it.

   You're just a normal person who wants to make it big here. You can always do it again. The door is always open really. You should... open it in your mind."

    The last thing Matsuri has said, she lays two fingers in my forehead calmly. And does so for a while. Swirling her pressing fingers slowly. She moves her fingers above my head, like a swimming jellyfish. As like her hands will consume a magic spell from my head.

   Matsuri: "Have you ever felt like that back in the Philippines? Like, failure, heartbreak, rejection?"

   Me: "I have. Many times actually. Have you?"

   Matsuri: "Of course. Where I am, and what I'm doing now, it's never easy. Those things are... inevitable. You're not alone."

   Me: "I guess I'm definitely not. Care to tell me an experience?"

   Matsuri: "Well, I wanted to give up learning English at some point. It was so hard for me at first. But I tried to be that highly good student in there. I have been rejected many times for this job. Like so much, I felt like I wasn't made for this, or I actually have no destiny. And I have cried. And when I gave up working and was struggling in debt for being a work-free woman for too long.

    That's pretty much it. I could remember them because those were hard enough for me to endure those. You?"

   Me: "You're right even. This was not the first time I was heartbroken, by falling in love with someone. That happened several times in school. Even the first several times I failed any exam paper, I cried because I have to work hard in my grades. I had to stay in honors or else I'll be grounded by my parents. That happened the first time, and I cried. And now I'm in college... I guess I did okay so far. I was glad with the past hard works. If not, I wouldn't be here probably.

   You're even right abut this. It was not easy, but I did continue to go a long way even from here. I see it now. I guess I was really fortunate for this. Thank you Matsuri-sensei."

   Matsuri: "No problem. And now since you're leaving tomorrow?"

   Me: "I don't know yet. I'm still thinking."

  "Perfect story, perfect result, perfect progress, they never really existed ever... in real life. But there is such thing as good. That balances with the bad. So might as well go for it, and just enjoy it. No rush."

    Those were the words I start taking, before I start sleeping for a blissful tomorrow. Weird that I call it blissful.