All It Took

5.Alison

Drive // The Cars

My mind isn't on my job. It hasn't been for at least a week. To be honest, I've been horribly distracted for longer. Since meeting Jeff I've become what I never thought I would be; obsessed.

I think about him all the time. Everything seems to remind me of something he said or somewhere we've gone. Flowers, music. Pizza. Even my task at the moment that Devon has me working on. Manipulating light sensitive paper using everyday objects as subject matter.

And what objects has she given me to work with?

Leaves. All kinds of leaves. And pine needles. The different sizes and thicknesses of the leaves effect the density of light that passes through their membranes. Different levels of opacity in those leaves creates shapes and shadows on the paper.

If I wasn't time traveling in my mind back to the drive Jeff took me on and the roller coaster of internal emotions I was riding simultaneously, I'd be enjoying the science behind this project.

Instead, I feel like crying.

"This is lovely, Alison." Devon startles me, leaning over the light table to see one of the finished designs. "The negative space carries my eyes back to the subject. Well done. I believe our little nature meets technology project is quite the success."

"Thanks." My voice is flat, but I can't seem to muster excitement about the work. "I have a couple more layouts I want to try. I'm thinking these need to be a series using the same leaves but in a variety of positions so it's like looking at them in 360 degrees."

Devon straightens and looks off into the distance, her typical visualization stance. "Yes, I think that will be stunning. Let me know when you've completed the other panels and I'll take a look."

I breath a sigh of relief as she leaves the studio. Devon's very perceptive and I worried she'd ask me what was wrong. I don't have the energy to talk about all of my fears right now. I haven't been able to voice them to Jeff, so I don't want to talk about it with my mentor.

"Oh, and Alison?" Devon pauses at the door, turning back to me.

"Yes?"

"Whatever it is that's eating you alive from the inside out? Let the process work it out," she says, pointing to the project at hand. "These things do tend to inspire creativity even when they are tearing you apart."

A huff of air mixed with a grunt of sound escapes me before I can stop it. Devon smiles sympathetically before exiting the studio entirely. She has a meeting with a city official, something she has insisted is as much a part of the creative process as the actual art.

I turn back to the print that I just finished, searching for the clues I must have left within the design. Is there lovesickness in the leaves? Anxiety about the future? Fear of holding secrets from people in my life and being found out?

Nothing stands out to me. I tilt my head for a new perspective, but still all I see is a few leaves overlapping on photo paper. I turn to look at the finished panels clipped to the drying wire stretched across the room.

"What in the...?" I stride across the room to stand in front of each one, only now seeing what Devon must have seen. In the center of each design, the negative space leaves a heart. Different sizes, different angles, but clear as day I can make out the distinct shape in every design.

I had no idea. But there in hardcopy is my emotion. Rough edges created by the different foliage used gives each heart a wounded feel. I step back, taking them in as a group and instantly sense the melancholy that went into the designs. Here's my sign to work this out before I react out of worry and fear, not the best decision makers. I pull out my phone and send Misty an SOS.