if I knew

10 1 0
                                    

"Harry" I mumbled. "Harry make that ringing go away!"

"Hello?" He finally answered the phone sleepily.

"Yes, this is him" he seemed to perk up. He stood up from the bed and left the room.

"Who was it?" I ask when he enters the room and lays back down next to me after a few minutes.

"A recruiter from USC.. He said he was at the game last night and wants to meet me sometime."

"Harry! That's great!"

"Yeah I guess" He says nonchalantly before pulling the blankets back over him and laying down.

"Why do I get the feeling that you're not excited about this? This is an amazing opportunity babe!"

"I don't know, I guess I just never thought I would be playing football after high school."

"Well USC is a great school, would you consider it?"

"To be honest, I was planning on moving back to England and going to university there."

My heart sinks. I know it's months away, but the thought of him being half way around the world makes me want to go crazy.

"Oh..."

"I mean I have family there and I don't know, it was just always my plan"

"Are you even going to look at schools here?"

"Probably not" he answers honestly. Does he not care that we will be living in different countries?!

I don't even know what to say. I'm sure my face explains everything I'm thinking though.

"Do you still want to date me when you leave?"

"Of course I do" He says with surprise. "Do you still want to date?"

"Well yeah, but it's gonna be really hard" I answer sincerely. I definitely don't want to break up with him, but the thought of that much distance between us would make it incredibly difficult. I don't know what I'd do.

"Would you ever consider coming with me?" He asks with a smirk. I have a feeling he already knows the answer.

"Harry.. You know Stanford is my dream school. Why don't you just stay here?"

"Because I would like to go back and live closer to my grandparents"

I sat there in silence while playing with the chain around his neck and just thought about having to be so far away from him. How could we make it work? Why am I even thinking about this, what if we aren't even dating by the time we both go off to college. Of course we'll be dating, why wouldn't we? I need to calm down.

"We will make it work Aubrey, I promise." His certainty definitely lifted my spirits, but I still won't forget about this. Does he really think we can make it work? We will be more than 5,000 miles away from each other. I really need to stop thinking about this, we have almost a year before I should worry about it.

"My moms coming home tomorrow" I say in attempt to change the subject.

"That's good!"

"We're going to dinner with my grandma, do you want to come with?"

"I would love to" He smiled before pressing a kiss to my cheek.

****

"Are you two ready?" I heard my mom call from downstairs. She had been home for a few hours now and we were all going to go grab dinner soon.

"Yeah, five minutes!" I reply while searching for the missing back to my earring. "Where the fuck is it?" I mutter under my breath.

"What's wrong babe?" I feel Harry's long fingers grip around my waist as he says something into my ear.

"I can't fucking find the back to this damn earring!" I take Harry's hands and pull them off and continue my search.

"What's really bothering you?"

"Nothing, I just need to find it"

"Aubrey... You've been on edge all day"

"I just don't want to live 5,000 miles away from you!" I blurt out while running my hands through my freshly curled hair. I probably sound insane for still thinking about our conversation yesterday morning, but there was no way I could shake it off my mind.

"Are you still thinking about that? Aubs, that's months away before we have to worry about it"

"I know.. I just.. I really don't know" I say while sitting on the edge of my bed. And here come the tears. God I am such an emotional wreck.

"Babe..." Harry quietly says before kneeling in front of me by the bed. "Nothing's going to happen to us"

"I just can't stand thinking of being so far away from you..." I admit. "I'm scared"

"Well you shouldn't be, because everything will be okay, alright? Don't think about it"

I'm surprised Harry hasn't dumped me yet.. I probably look psychotic to him, crying because I'm already afraid to live so far away from him, and it's only November. I realize we haven't been dating that long, but he has been the only constant in my life it seems. My parents don't live here, Maddie and I aren't friends anymore, and I just don't want to lose him. Someone who's always been there for me... I just wish he would consider staying here, or at least somewhere a but closer than fucking England! But I will not be selfish, it is what he wants, and I refuse to deny his happiness. And I know I would not want him to try to convince me to not go to my dream school.

"I'll try" I manage to smile. His stunning eyes still make me weak every time they stare into mine. The way his deep voice soothes me during all of my upset moments.. How can I not be dreading the day I won't get to see him everyday? "God I'm sorry I'm such a mess"

"Don't apologize.. It's kind of cute, seeing you sad because you'll miss me so much" he teases and I playfully punch his arm. "I'm just joking, babe! Honestly, I will miss you too, but let's just take it day by day, we still have a lot of time! I love you, and that will never change"

"I love you Harry" I say before he presses a kiss to my forehead and helps me up from the bed.

"Well let's go because I'm starving" Harry says and we both laugh. I grab my purse and Harry holds out his hand to me.

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