Story of Us

Chapter 17 Trevor

Trevor

I should have listened to her, I should have just agreed to stay in bed with her for the day. She knew something was going to happen, and I just thought she was being hormonal. As I sit here staring at the machines keeping her alive, I am overcome with regret. Why couldn't it have been me? I can't stand to sit here, holding her cold and lifeless hand, begging her to come back to me.

It all happened so fast, I still can't comprehend how one minute we are all laughing and having a good time, and the next we are all in the water, fighting to get away from the debris. A drunk boater came around a bend, and without looking in front of him ran into us full throttle. As soon as I could find my way to the waters surface I started yelling and searching for Sawyer. He hit right where she was sitting, she didn't even see him coming, she was facing me. I couldn't get over to her fast enough to protect her. The boat hit, somehow we all ended up in the water, and she was no where to be seen. It felt like an eternity, as I tried to swim around the wreckage to find Sawyer. One by one I watched as everyone else surfaced, but I couldn't see or hear Sawyer. Brady found her, pinned under water between the boat that hit us and the side she was sitting on. We got her out, but she had been under water for awhile. None of us could tell how long exactly, everything happened so fast, and yet in slow motion at the same time. I floated with her, begging her to wake up. Another boat came to aide us, and as soon as I was able to, I began CPR. When the coast guards made it to us, they took over CPR, and she was soon medic-flighted to the hospital.

By the time we arrived at the Hospital, Sawyer was in surgery. She had a ruptured spleen, 4 broken ribs, a collapsed lung, a laceration in her aortic valve and severe brain swelling. While she was in surgery the rest of us had our injuries cared for. I had a broken wrist and dislocated elbow, Brady had to get 12 stitches in his head due to a severe head laceration. Jess had a few bumps and bruises, but nothing that required follow up treatment.

Sawyer's heart stopped twice during surgery, but finally after 10 hours she was in the ICU. Brady was a mess, pacing and crying, begging Sawyer to wake up. The doctor kept telling him she is in a medically induced coma, and they couldn't wake her up for a few days. The shock of everything that had happened made it so he couldn't quit understand what they were telling him. Jess tried to comfort him, but ended up just curling up in a ball and crying in the corner.

The driver, and his 3 passengers succumbed to their injuries and died. We were sitting in the waiting room when their families were informed. We watched as they crumpled to the ground and sobbed under the weight of their grief. The cops had come and gone twice, asking questions and following up. By the time the hospital staff would allow us back to see Sawyer, my eyes were pretty much swollen shut from crying. The guilt and regret was killing us all. She had said she didn't feel comfortable going out on the lake that day, she said she felt like something bad was going to happen, and we just thought she was being paranoid.

In movies and TV shows the beeping of the heart monitor always comes off as annoying, but not in here, not for me. Each beep signifies that her heart is beating. Each whoosh of the breathing machine means she is breathing. I have to keep telling myself that these sounds are soothing, these sounds are good. They said that the next 24 hours are crucial, but that she is stable, and her vitals are strong. I wonder if that is just something they say. How strong can her vitals be if machines are keeping her alive. Brady is asleep in the cot under the window, Jess is curled in a chair beside him, and I am sitting beside this woman that I love, begging her for the umpteenth time to stay strong and fight to come back to me. I kiss her palm, and whisper promises of our future, reminding her that I love her. I don't know if she can hear me, but I'm going to keep putting the words out there and hope they manifest the strength and motivation she needs.

My wrist and arm are killing me, but I refuse to take the pain pills, they make me sleepy and I don't want to miss anything. When Rosa comes in to check on us, I loose it and cry as she holds me. She consoles me in Spanish, telling me that Sawyer will be ok.

"You need to sleep." Rosa says cupping my face in her hands.

"I can't" I shake my head.

"How will you be strong for her, if you are weak with exhaustion?" Rosa asks me and I shrug in response. "I will wake you up if anything happens, just sleep for an hour." She says and I look at her feeling defeated.

~~~

It has been 3 days since the accident, and although she hasn't woken up yet, the doctors are happy with her progress. She is showing brain activity, and they were able to take her off the ventilator. She has developed a slight heart murmur but they said this should clear up on its own. Brady, Jess, and I have taken turns going back to the cabin and showering only once since getting here, and yesterday was the first day I was able to eat and keep my food down.

"Please baby, wake up, look at me." I beg kissing her palm again. "I need you, Sawyer, I need you to come back to me." I whisper, and can feel the tears pooling in the corner of my eyes again. My heart hurts, I have thought about it the last couple of days, and I bet if I was on that heart monitor my heart would barely be beating. I can feel it slowly dying as I wait for Sawyer to wake up.

"I can't loose her." Brady says to me from across the bed in the other chair.

Sawyer starts to cough. The doctors have told us her coughing is a good sign, it means her lungs are trying to expel the fluid that is collecting in them. Her whole body vibrates with the force, and I watch as her face grimaces once the coughing spell is over. Brady takes a napkin and wipes the corners of her mouth. Sawyers heart rate starts to accelerate a bit, and I can see her trying repeatedly to swallow.

"Sawyer?" I say, hoping this will be the time she answers me back. We watch as her eyelids flutter, then open, although she isn't focused on anything.

"Sawyer" Brady exclaims trying to get her attention. She just blinks a few times without looking over at either of us. Brady stands up and gets in her line of sight. "Go get the doctor" he directs and I bust into the hallway shouting.

"She's awake! She's awake." Catching the eye of the nurse and running back into the room. Brady is inches from Sawyer's face, just saying her name, and I watch as she seems to blink away her confusion and finally focus on him. Her brows furrow together in that face she makes when she is confused. I watch as she tilts her chin in concern and brings her hand up to wipe a tear from Brady's face. She tries to swallow and grimaces at the feeling, bringing her her hand to her throat. It is all happening so fast, and yet in slow motion at the same time. There is commotion behind me as the nurse comes into the room, followed by the doctor they rush over talking calmly to Sawyer.

I watch standing at the foot of the bed as Sawyer starts to look around the room, taking in the scene. When her gaze gets to me my heart stops. Her expression doesn't change she merely looks at me and keeps scanning, as if there is something she is looking for and she hasn't yet found it. It is like a punch to the gut, and I suddenly break out in a panic as if my heart already knows something is amiss. More staff rush into the room, and me, Brady and Jess and ushered out into the hallway.

"This is good right? She's awake!" Brady asks one of the nurses.

"It's promising, yes!" She answers then closes the door behind her.

But it doesn't feel promising to me. I thought my heart was shredded before waiting for her to wake up, but with that one look, I feel like the remnants were burned into cinders.