Leaders and Lavender

Chapter Thirty-Five : Finale

Sorry this has taken so long 🤎

Bellamy's POV

I must decide if being with Atticus is worth the constant dilemma of not knowing what dark part of him will be revealed next. With every step we take in our relationship I find out more about him, some make me fall more in love with him and others make me feel foolish and even frightened. It's like living with a werewolf, they are both a man, with a heart and family and also wolf, an animal, occasionally heartless. 

Although I see good parts in him like I do with Othello. I see darkness. 

The type of darkness that does not go away, it's not only beaming from his soul but it comes from his family, passed from member to member , deep within their genes. Which would mean my children would have darkness too. As Atticus now cries into my arms about what he has done, I see the guilt and the hurt. 

It pains me but he is in a far better position to Atticus and his wife.

"I can't accept that you kill people" I whisper out. My knuckles shaking as I pull my arms away from him to stand up. 

"What does that mean for us?"

"I don't know, I mean this is your life, I never expected to be with a man that could do the things you do. "

"Bellamy you knew what I did before we got together. You can't be surprised now that I have done things you don't approve of. I don't even approve of half the things in my past. But you now know the worst parts of me.  You have seen the truly ugly. We can move forward, please you make me a better person." He stands up and tries to reach for my hand but I pull away.

"I can't just accept that, you said only a few moments ago that Othello won't be alive for long. After all you have done to him, you can't let him live? He has no family, no wife, no children. Your family took it all! It may have been an accident but you took his final chance of happiness!"

His face turned pale at my response, I spit my words out the anger bubbling out of me and the sheer pain I have for Othello. The pain I feel for all the families affected by him. Tears run down my face from anger.

"You can not expect me to stand here and turn a blind eye to your past, when it will directly effect my future!"

"He will never stop trying to protect you and take you away from me, he cares for you. You don't think I know you still keep the stuffie he got you. I love how kind you are. But it kills me you kept it. You are my Babygirl, I should be the one to protect you. He took you once and I have never been more scared. I love you so much and if anything had happened to you I would be broken. He needs to die. Not because I want revenge or to hurt him further but I need to know if you leave me you did it of your own free will. Not because of him."

"I am more than your Babygirl, I should be allowed to make my own choices and keep myself safe."

"You can not keep yourself safe in this world, that is why I have teams  of people watching out for you and the people I care about. However you are allowed to make your own choices. Ask me anything and then decide what you want to do."

A moment ago I had so many questions and now I am struggling to come up with anything, opening up Pandora's box will inevitable be the deciding factor for what happens between us. He leans against the wall his now sweaty forehead glistening under the lightbulbs, presumably from his breakdown. His usual well-kept look seems to be discarded as he is currently a shell of himself . His hair looks like he has been tugging at it from his frustration and his clothes now look to be falling of him as he appears so much smaller than usual. 

"How many people have you killed?" I mutter through gritted teeth.

"I don't know the exact number but in the hundreds" He shakes his head noticeable regret on  his face.