ABANDONED AMUSEMENT PARK

ten

10; A MONTAGE TO A MONTH I FORGOT TO MEMORISE

i. the first month of yet another new year quietly places her teacup onto the saucer and wishes me well. i put her teacup into the sink and keep myself busy because i don't like goodbyes. i can feel her linger by the door but leave soon afterward because she realizes i won't look back. she leaves the door open for another month to come in.

ii. the second and the next, the space between those seconds. this star and the other one, the space between those stars. you and me, the space between us. i bring my mother's sewing kit and stitch a rag into that space. a rag of daydreams and false hope while i suck on the finger the needle pricked.

iii. the third hour after midnight, loneliness pays me a visit. she brings me conch shells and asks me why i'm still up. couldn't sleep, i say while i bring one conch shell against the shell of my left ear. shell against shell, i close my eyes. can you hear the ocean? she asks me. i just nod because i'm too scared my voice will crack if i open my mouth. 

iv. the fourth song the cicadas sing by your bedroom window reminds you of the nursery rhymes you were made to learn by heart when you were wide eyed about the world and its wonders. if you keep thinking about it, it'll also start sounding like the one they played on the wedding of your first love.

v. the fifth time i walk by the neighborhood book store, i change my mind and my direction. i walk into the bookstore and ask the person behind the counter if there's a guide on letting go. he puts his newspaper down and tells me to first learn how to use the stickers instead of keeping them in drawers for years.

i don't know what this is. i'll do better, i promise.

happy lunar new year. sending love, warmth & well wishes !! <3 thank you for being here <3