Learning

Chapter 21: Knowing Grief

Ahsoka sighed as the morning light broke through her curtains and caused her to blink rapidly. Ever since her parents had re-entered her life she'd been getting these memories Ahsoka had thought she'd locked away in the back of her mind come to the forefront. It often meant having a disturbed and fitful sleep. It also didn't help that today was a Monday and therefore the start of a new week and the start of her first school day without her mum by her side. While all her supporters had informed Ahsoka greatly that she was allowed to have a lot of time off school to deal with the grief and trauma; she eventually conceded that while it would be hard, Ahsoka couldn't face another day with these people looking pityingly at her. Plus, the regular school routine would give her some sense of stability.

Once she was washed, dressed and fed, Ahsoka checked her phone messages. It was the first time she had since Ashla died. Unsurprisingly, there were many messages and missed calls from over the weekend. They were mainly from Barriss and Lux. As she thought about it, Ahsoka was surprised that Barriss hasn't tried to come round and make sure she was okay when she hadn't answered. Opening up the messages from Lux she saw that they were mainly loving little messages of general happiness that boosted Ahsoka's spirits ever so slightly. It suddenly struck her that her new relationship was the last thing that Ahsoka would want to discuss with her mum and never be able to. Ashla wouldn't be with her to experience her first relationship or give her any advice on what to do. No advice on behaviour or what to do after an argument, no date ideas. Nada, zilch, nothing, zip.

This caused an unstoppable fresh wave of tears to fall over her phone as Ahsoka told him she'd had a 'pretty bad' weekend. Ahsoka would tell him at school, when he could physically be there to comfort her. Barriss on the other hand was a different story. She was her best friend and one of them deserved to have a heads-up. Ahsoka really didn't know how she was going to cope with today. At least no one outside the people she wanted to know would know and therefore Ahsoka wouldn't face the pitying or worried looks of her peers.

As Ahsoka started to type the message, she found that she couldn't get the words out. It would be hard enough to tell them in person and words could be misread by text. Deciding against the idea of telling Barriss by text, Ahsoka closed her phone and continued getting ready for school.

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Anakin seated himself at his desk, waiting for Tutor to start. It was the start of a new week so he was curious to see how the students handled the full return to normality. Anakin however hadn't stopped thinking about the advice Obi-wan had given him, unfortunately, it was his day off so he couldn't ask him for more guidance today. Checking the time, Anakin saw that he had half an hour until Tutor officially began. Plenty of time to go for a walk with his computer all set up. He didn't plan on walking far, just around the school and back again, maybe to stop by the staff room and grab a bite to eat. Breakfast hadn't been as filling this morning but he'd overslept again and Padme had punished him by giving him the ridiculously sloppy porridge.

Walking out of Charlie Block, Anakin took note of how empty it was at this time. Apart from the teachers, no one else was here as the students waited behind a gate for a while before being let onto the grounds. He also realised that he hadn't been in all the classrooms yet so decided to take a walk through Beta Block, the largest of them all, and pay a visit to the science, maths and geography teachers. Along with the ladies who work in the library and the support hub where students went if they didn't feel right, mentally or physically.

Anakin knocked on the door to B2, home to perhaps the strictest teacher ever, Mr Windu. He was renowed throughout the school as a teacher who acted like the class was a military operation. There were never any detentions issued from his class for everyone was careful not to misbehave, if he shouted then all hell would break loose. It was an unpleasant experience for anyone and everyone. "Hi, Mr Windu, how are you?" Anakin asked although he didn't plan on staying as he had other classrooms to visit and he looked like he was in the middle of something.

"Skywalker, good to see you. I'm well thanks for asking. How are you? Is there something I can help you with?" The strict teacher asked without looking up from the stack of test papers he was marking.

Anakin cleared his throat, suddenly nervous. "No, just came to see how you were. I'll let you get back to your marking." Science teachers always made him anxious for he himself hadn't been the perfect scientist back in the day.

Mr Windu looked up from his desk at his retreating back. "Wait! Your Ahsoka Tano's Tutor right?" He nodded. "Good, she has me first thing today. Can you give her this paper and tell her to go to B5? She needs to complete this test and she missed it last week." He handed Anakin a test who was slightly unnerved at being given such an important task.

Another thought suddenly occurred to him. "You gave them a test on their first week back?" That seemed pretty harsh in his opinion.

Windu smiled, for once. "Yes I know it may seem harsh but I gave them the entire holiday to revise. Plus, it covered things they were taught last year. They should've handled it with ease if they revised right." He walked back to his desk. "So you'll give Ahsoka the paper?"

Anakin looked down at the test in his hands, this was Year 9 science, not GCSE level stuff, and yet the first question flummoxed him. He hoped for Ahsoka's sake that she'd managed to revise, or at the very least feel well enough to have a good attempt at it.

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Ahsoka sighed as the bell rang to start Tutor. Lux and Barriss had been so supportive yet shocked when she'd told them the truth. Barriss had cried and hugged Ahsoka deeply while Lux cuddled her, making sure she was okay. In a way it was nice because he'd lost his dad and Barriss had been there for years. Now all Ahsoka hoped for was an easy day with no questions from anybody who may have witnessed her telling them. It wasn't too much to ask. As Barriss hugged her once more before leaving and Lux wrapped an arm around her, Ahsoka tried to smile as they walked to Tutor.

When she entered after saying goodbye to Lux, Ahsoka was pleased to see that everyone was acting as they had on Wednesday. A few people said hello to her when they noticed she was back, including Mr Skywalker. "Hello Ahsoka, good to see you back. How do you feel?" He asked her cheerily as she sat down.

Ahsoka realised that the teachers also had no idea her mum died and didn't want to make an emotional mess out of that question. "I feel better thank you Sir, how are you?" She asked him with a smile.

Anakin grinned at her but caught an emotion in her eye and suddenly felt a crushing grief overwhelm him. He recognised it. The same expression he'd seen in his own eyes after his own mother died. "I'm good thanks, I had a good weekend. Looking forward to a new week." He muttered as he went back to his desk. The test paper Mr Windu gave him glared back at him. 'Yeah, not today Windu. Have a heart, or a laugh because a test this early on is a joke.' Anakin growled to himself as he picked it up and put it in the shredder. He knew it probably wouldn't stop Ahsoka being given a test and he would get shouted at for not giving it to her but if the look in her eyes was grief then Ahsoka deserved to be as happy as can be.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, that was cruel of Windu to give them a test so early on. I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday, I had a lot to do. I'll hopefully update tomorrow and be back on schedule. Bye, bye.