Embers From Within (Casa Fuego Series #6)

Chapter 25

Right Choice

When I say that I've gone numb after that fateful night, I meant it.

Wala akong balak na sabihin kanila Mama na naghiwalay na kami ni Art noong gabing iyon dahil hindi pa ako handa, at sa totoo lang, hindi ko pa rin natatanggap. But apparently, I fell asleep on the floor of our music room after breaking down the entire midnight. They found me there with my smudged make-up, disheveled hair, and devastated eyes.

It didn't help that I have always been cheery my entire life, which is why they immediately knew something was wrong with me that morning.

I honestly thought that if it was hard enough for me to survive that very night, then it would be unbearable the morning after. Or the next days. The next weeks. Months. And perhaps, years. But I woke up the next day feeling... shallow. I couldn't even say that I felt nothing because I knew deep down in my heart, there was something. I was feeling something.

But perhaps it was buried too deeply, or that it came from the very bottom of my heart that the feeling in full circle couldn't reach the surface, making it hard for me to fully savour, comprehend, analyze, and finally name it. It was an undescribable feeling, but I think the closest one would be that I felt like a whole hole was dug up on my heart and its void won't be filled anytime soon.

Nang nalaman ng buong pamilya ko na naghiwalay kami ni Art, halos sugurin nila ang mga Divinagracia. Umuwi si Tito Fred at Russ. Lumuwas mula Davao sila Lolo at Lola. Maging si Emy ay bumyahe pauwi ng Cebu para madaluhan ako. It was like I invited a whole army to fight for me. When the truth is, there's no more battle to fight. He gave it up. He gave it up first.

Araw-araw, may bulaklak na bumubungad sa akin pag-gising. Ayon kay Anna, galing daw 'yon kay Tito Fred. Kulang na lang subuan ako ni Mama sa pagkain. Hindi rin ako nilulubayan ni Emy kahit oras na para mag-aral siya. They treated me like I was sick, and it annoyed me to the brim that they were all making a big deal out of it when I couldn't even feel anything.

They were all pressed, but to me it was close to nothing. It certainly wasn't just nothing, but I felt so numb I couldn't care any less.

"Don't do anything against him," I spoke up, for the first time, when my family kept talking over dinner about how to get back on Art.

"I'm sorry, darling, come again?" Lola clarified.

I lifted my gaze to them. I was nothing more than a robot or a walking dead the past weeks. Ito ang unang beses na nagsalita ako tuwing may family dinner kami. Ngayon na nga lang nakumpleto ang pamilya, menos na lang kay Kuya Eros, ganito pa ang lagay ko. But then they all went home for me. Because of what happened to me.

Nabalot ng katahimikan ang buong dining area. Lahat sila ay nakatingin sa akin, naninimbang at naghihintay ng sagot. Maging si Emy na palaging alam agad ang iniisip ko hindi ko pa man sinasabi o ipinapakita sa kanya, lito rin akong tinignan.

"Can everybody just please stop making a big deal out of this?"

"He hurt you," Tito Fred emphasized. "Do you honestly expect us to just sit back and-"

"I really don't want to talk about him anymore. I don't even want to think of him. I don't want any more connections with him. So if you keep trying to get back to him, our ties would never be completely cut. And that's exactly what I want for myself right now. To completely cut ties with him," halos pagod kong sinabi.

Because honestly, I'm so fed up. I just don't really care anymore. I just don't feel anything anymore.

Natahimik silang lahat. Pagod akong bumuntong hininga at pinunasan na ang gilid ng aking labi gamit ang table napkin.