The Mistake Of Trusting

My Lungs, Not My Cigarette

[A/N] - The picture is what Jax looks like ^_^
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'November 18th' I first wrote, then continued writing.
'I have nothing to say about Tuesdays, except for the fact that I usually get tons of homework on them. But today, I didn't.
Today at school, we had to go to the gym for a "special announcement". As it turns out, the school is holding a Valentines dance to raise money for the school.
Jenna, I know you loved school dances, but I don't! As a matter of fact, I hate them. I hate the idea of getting all dressed up to go to school at night, get close to people, dance, etc. It just seems plain gross to me. Matthew is going for fun, Drew, of course, is staying home. As for me, well, I'll probably stay home too. I miss you.'
- Jay R. Morrison
I ripped out the page that I wrote my little letter on, and then proceeded o slide it under Jenna's door.
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Wednesday woke me up to a beautiful shower, which makes me want to stay home. Don't get me wrong, I love the rain, but walking through it and then getting on a humid bus is not exactly enjoyable.
Groaning, I forced myself out of bed. I slid on a random pair of jeans and a plain black t-shirt. "It's just another day." I say to myself as I sling my book bag onto my shoulders.
Without saying goodbye to my dad, I fled out of the house and into the rain. My feet sloshed through puddles of water as I made my way to the bus stop.
"Hey loser." A fairly tall, brunette girl scoffed as I hopped onto the sidewalk. I avoided eye contact with this... Girl. Hell, I don't even know her name. What does she want? "Hey! I'm talking to you!"
I just continued looking down at t shoes, which I'm currently swimming in, by the way. Maybe if I continue to ignore her, she'll leave me alone.
"What is wrong with you?!" She spat. Damn, even the pouring rain is smoother than her voice. "I SAID-" her voice raised.
"Leave me alone." I finally defended myself.
"Oh, now you talk?!" She questioned as she placed a hand on her hip.
I shrug.
As if the bus read my mind, it came around a corner and was now in sight.
"Jay is a shitty name."
I laughed at her attempt to be mean.
"What's so funny?"
"You think you're intimidating." I chuckled out just before the bus stopped in front of us.
"I'm just saying- your parents were expecting a boy!" She tried again.
"I'm just saying," I mimicked. "I don't think your parents were expecting a bitch.
This girl just gave me a look of disgust, then trudged up to meet the bus' open and awaiting doors. When she was on, I proudly stepped into the bus, glaring at the girl I just smacked with the truth.
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I began searching the hall for Jax, Drew, or Matthew, but I'm so far- failing. I wanted to tell them about my dad's reaction to my hair. I forgot to tell them about it yesterday. I continued searching for at least one of the boys.
"Boo!" A voice said from behind me.
"Come on, Jax." I laughed as he took my side.
"Hey, give me some credit! At least I tried!" He defended. "I swear, you have eyes-"
"Everywhere!" I cut him off.
"Oh." He breathed out, the smell of smoke on his breath.
"Hey, Jax..." I led on. He raise an eyebrow. "Can you buy me some cigs?"
He seems quite taken back by my request.
"Jay, you really shouldn't-"
"I need something to numb me. So it's either cigarettes or... Other things. Take your pick." I persuade.
"Jay, if you're hurting-"
"Are you going to help me, or not?" I cut him off with my most serious tone. He sighed and then stuck a hand in his back pocket.
"Take what's left of mine." He said as he handed me a pack. I examined the pack before slipping it into my book bag. I don't recognise the brand at all.
"Thanks." I quietly thanked. Jax nodded, gave me a look of sympathy, then walked away. Luckily, I have multiple lighters in my bag. My dad gave then to me when our electricity went out for a week and we had to use candles. I guess I just kept them.
"Listen up, scum!" A familiar voice alerted just before I was shoved up against the nearest wall. I forced my eyes wide open so I can see who's hurting me. "Don't act like you don't know me!"
Oh, it's the brunette girl from my bus stop.
"I don't even know your name!" I exclaimed as I made an attempt to pry her hands off of me.
"Julia!" She spat, as if I'm suppose to know that.
"What's your problem?!" I finally shoved the insane girl off of me and checked my surroundings for possible help.
"Are you kidding me?!" She yelled, earning her some attention from students. I didn't want to answer to her anymore, so I quickly walked away without looking back. I've been having a really shitty day so far. I know one thing; I'm walking home from now on.
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Luckily, the rain cleared up about an hour before school ended. Now I can walk home without drowning. Right after the last bell rang, I mentally said goodbye to my visual arts class and made my way to the nearest exit.
As I slowly grew further and further away from the school, I noticed little details about the area that I had never noticed before. For example, there are tons of washed-up chalk drawings in the middle of the road in front of the school.
"Jay Morrison?" I heard Drew's voice call out to me. I turned my head to the left to see Drew running to catch up with me.
"Hey!" I greeted.
"I didn't know you walk home." Drew stated as he ran his fingers through his hair.
"I do now." I simply said.
"Oh, well, that's nice." He awkwardly said.
When things got too awkward and the anxiety kicked in, I pulled out my cigarette pack and a lighter.
"Isn't that Jax's?!" Drew freaked out, pointing to my now-lit cigarette.
"Maybe." I shrugged as I took a drag.
"Hell no! Get that away from your face!" Drew yelled, his face turning a strange shade of red. I took another drag out of spite.
"Nope."
"Yes! You're gonna kill yourself!"
I took yet another drag.
"Maybe that's the goal." I breathed out.
He then gave me this look, this look of a million different emotions. I saw anger, guilt, confusion, and even sadness.
"I'm alright." I kinda spilled out. I didn't mean to say that, I just wanted him to smile and be happy again.
"No you're not. People who are alright don't want to die!" He mused.
I've never seen him like this before; concerned... Caring.
"Whatever." I confidently puffed out.
Drew slapped the cigarette out of my hand. I felt like I watched it fall to the ground in slow motion. "What was that for?!" I yelled, clenching my fists.
"Your lungs!" Drew replied in a 'duh' tone.
I squinted my eyes at him.
"Since when do you care about me or my already- dying lungs?"
He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk with his mouth hanging open.
"How do you feel about Jax smoking?" Drew questioned. I crossed my arms and tilted my head, daring him to go on. "You don't like it, do you?"
"No." I whispered. Drew smirked, clearly proud of himself, and continued walking.
"Hand 'em up." Drew demanded as he held his hand out.
"No." I said while shaking my head. "Jax does it to get that high, I do it because I hate myself. I'd rather not hand these over."
"Jay, please. It's early enough for you to quit."
"Drew Walters..." I warned, pointing a finger at him.
"I'll stop being an asshole... To you..." He tempted. I laughed at him. "Really, I will!"
"Nope."
He thought for a moment, then his face lit up.
"If you don't give them up, I will walk home with you, and introduce myself to your dad-"
"Okay." I emotionlessly said.
"As your boyfriend." He finished his sentence. I literally threw the pack of cigarettes at his face.
"Take them, I'm going straight-edge! You've crossed a line!"
"There was never a line!" He chuckled. "You should get into trouble more often."
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If you're reading this, I love you.