May 5th,
I haven't spoken to anyone. Not a single soul. No, not in weeks. The only sound I have made in the past month are cries. I just feel so alone without my boys. I don't know how to deal with it.
Are they okay?
Is anyone hurt?
Are they coming back for me?
Am I ever coming home?
Do they even miss me?
It's like someone has stabbed me over and over, and left the knife in my chest.
I haven't eaten in almost three days. Trust me, I want to eat, but I'm too sad to bring myself to get up.
I'm not sure of what to do with myself.. Or with anything at this point. It's like I've set myself on fire, and I keep standing there; burning. I can smell the smoke and it quickly invades my lungs. I feel charred, I feel burnt. The fire spreads from my lungs and into my lungs. A burning sensation fills my chest and there's nothing I can do to stop it. It's going to kill me... It's going to kill me... I'd let it kill me.
What if I'm already dead and this fire feeling is just me in hell? It would make a whole lot of sense. I feel as if I'm already there.
I want Drew to call me. I want to hear his voice. I want to feel something, anything, again.
I've been pushing aside these foreign feelings.. I want to just be honest with myself and admit to them, but I can't. Maybe one day, not too soon, but someday I will.
I just need some sleep for now.
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[A/N]
This is kind of a crappy chapter, but I wanted to write an emotional chapter about Jay's inner thoughts. It will be important for later.
You should probably stick around for the next chapter.
Twists are coming... Also there are about three more chapters to this story before the epilogue. Soooooo
It's not like anyone has read this anyways. But it's okay, I've enjoyed writing it.
YOU ARE READING
The Mistake Of Trusting
RomanceI use to be strong, but now I trust people. I trust people. Three of them. Then they're ripped away from me.
