In My Dreams

Here, Not There

A flash of light. Pain. Her jaw. She reached with clumsy fingers and felt her swollen gums. Her jaw was wired shut. Crap. She blinked again at the bright sunshine streaming through her window, then slowly turned her head to take in her surroundings. Again in a hospital room. Bailey, Jackson and Torres were debating her treatment. at least she thought so, Meredith couldn't hear them.

Bailey noticed she was awake and approached the bed. her lips spread in a hopeful smile. "Mer?" She poked Torres and Jackson to get their attention.

Meredith just stared blankly. What's the point? I can't hear, can't speak. Torres and Jackson offered sympathetic smiles when she failed to respond, and turned back to the scans on the wall. Bailey sadly turned away too.

But Meredith wanted to see, to know... What happened to me?

Oddly, it was Blake who would show Meredith her chart.

Jaw dislocation, monteggia fracture, tibia plateau fracture, rib fracture and left lung collapse, tracheal injury... she waved the chart away and tried to ignore Blake's painful stare.

Meredith looked back through the window... the light streamed on her face. She closed her eyes to reality.

She blinked at the sunlight shining in through the kitchen window. Her old kitchen.

"Good morning," Derek said cheerfully, sauntering into the kitchen. He was wearing sweats, his hair was mussed, and his stubble was just a shade darker than usual.

"Morning," Meredith said, but there was no cheer in her voice.

"You okay?" Derek asked. He reached into the cupboard and grabbed a box of Muesli.

Meredith shrugged and poured a cup of coffee before sitting down at the kitchen table.

Derek poured cereal into his bowl, then reached into the fridge for milk. "There's no milk," He paused, a little deflated, "Mer?"

Meredith just stared, clutching the coffee cup. In the middle of the table was a folder. The same one that was under his arm when she saw him in the lobby.

"Oh," he said.

"That's me... isn't it?" she asked softly, fingering the corner, "That's my chart."

"Mer..."

Her eyes glistened. "Not in Egypt anymore."

Derek started toward her. Meredith got up, knocking the chair over.

"Meredith,"

"No please..."

"What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? What's wrong?" her voice cracked. "I can't move. I can't talk. I can't hear... and everybody keeps looking at me like..." She gestured at her husband, "Like that!"

Derek reached for her. Meredith pushed him away, "Don't touch me!"

"I just..." he stammered. He came closer, trying to draw her into a hug.

"No!" Meredith pounded on his chest. "No, stop it!"

Derek only pressed her closer, harder. He was strong and stubborn.

"No...Dammit Derek... I just... you can't... I hate you! Stop it! I hate you!" She squirmed in his arms, but she couldn't stop the tears.

Derek shushed her, but still held her, and they collapsed to the floor. "Why do you hate me?" He whispred.

"I... I keep losing you."

"I'm right here," he said, nuzzling her neck.

"You're here," Meredith sniffed, she released a shaky breath. "You're here, not there."

He sighed too.

"I hate you," she squeaked. "And I love you... and I'm all alone. It is just so hard."

Derek wrapped his arms around her waist. "But you're not alone."

Meredith shook her head slowly, she didn't believe him. Sobs racked her body as she curled into him. He used to be everywhere, all the time, saying things. But she lost him. She wiped her eyes, the sunlight was gone, and rain pelted on the window.

A/N: things are getting interesting...  Leave a comment! Vote! add to your list! And thanks so much for 200 reads!