In My Dreams

McDreamy Thing

The water was warm on her fingers. Meredith realized she was in the scrub room. Through the window was the OR, but it was unlit. Her hands automatically went through the routine of scrubbing. It calmed her after her confrontation with Amelia.

The door swung open, "Hey," Derek said as he jaunted in with a cheerful smile. She noticed his ferryboat scrub cap and smiled.

"Hi," she said. She was happy to see him, but her fight with Amelia left her drained.

Derek stood beside her and started to scrub in.

"I threw a smoothie at your sister." Meredith blurted

"Oh?" Derek sounded mildly amused

"She's everywhere, all the time, saying things..."

"That's my thing," Derek said.

"Exactly. Your thing." There was a little tang of anger in her tone.

Derek sighed and turned to lean against the sink. He crossed his arms.

"What?" Meredith snapped.

"What's your problem with Amy?"

Meredith wrapped her arms around herself. What happened to the dream sex? What happened to giggles and kisses? "I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to fight with you Derek."

Derek took off his scrub cap and ran a hand through his thick hair. He tilted his head, and his mouth curved into a very soft half smile. A plea. "Mer," his smooth hands unwrapped her arms and slid down to her still damp hands. He held her long fingers and squeezed gently.

Meredith swallowed. "I tried. I did. I let her move in with me. I tried to be friends... but she just- she blames me. For you dying, for not calling her when I-" Meredith looked away from her lover, "and then she called me hollow and said you would be disgusted with me," her voice broke. "Why? Why does she say those things?"

"Oh, Mer," Derek pulled her into his embrace as Meredith released a long suffering sub into his shoulder. "Don't you see? All those things... all of that, that's what she says of herself. She blames herself. She feels hollow and thinks that I'm disgusted with her..."

"Transference?" Meredith asked in disbelief. "That's what this whole crappy thing is about? God, why didn't I see it?"

"I think you knew... you were just so busy taking care of other people you never took time to process it."

"Owen," Meredith said. "Stuck my foot in that relationship."

"And there was the kids, and Alex... It's what you do Meredith. You're strong."

Meredith slid to the floor, her hand clutching Derek's scrubs pulling him down with her. He sat beside her holding her hand with both of his. She couldn't speak as her thoughts kept going a mile a minute, so silence hung in the air while she collected herself. "I'm not strong... Derek you know me, I put on this brave face. But I'm not strong."

"What?" Derek sounded confused

"You left me... I lost you Derek, for good this time. Worst break-up ever. And it hurts a lot worse than broken bones and a dislocated jaw. I was ripped apart and bleeding on the table. And for a long time, I didn't know how I would make it without you...because you were my strength Derek."

"I was?"

"Urgh! For a brainman you're so clueless!" She ripped her hand out of his and slapped his head. "I pulled a bomb out of some guy's chest. I drowned and came back to life... I operated in the OR with you and that stupid nurse- I stood in front of a freaking madman and his gun... not just for some Romeo and Juliet crap, but because being with you-- You inspired me to become... extraordinary. I wanted you so badly, Derek. You were too good for me. I knew it, but you never made me feel like I didn't deserve you. You just did your McDreamy thing, and I knew I had to figure out what to do to keep you. To keep our marriage together, to keep us happy. That's how I was strong. Because of you."

"And my McDreamy thing?" Derek smirked and waggled his eyebrows

"Oh, so while I pour my heart out to you, all you can think of is dirty sex..." Meredith smiled

"Only since you mentioned my McDreamy thing..."

Meredith's smile grew wider. "You are the worst flirt ever! I was trying to be dramatic with the big speech and the-" Derek reached over and cupped Meredith's face, turning her toward him. He kissed her quickly before she could get another word in.

"Meredith," Derek said when they finally came up for air.

"Derek," She replied breathlessly

"I was the one who didn't deserve you," He said, his breath hot in her ear. "And you... you were extraordinary long before I met you, and you still are."

A/N: Thanks for reading everyone! I hope you enjoyed! Thanks for all the love! Comment, vote, and add this to your list!