7 | owe it to myself

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Broken promises have that excitement to them
Like how once you believe and the next, you're mistaken
Happy endings have a sense of sacredness forgotten
Hence we dream of peace and security over again
That's what you are, love—a written-off promise
In a sea of kept ones, you are a turbulent breeze
There is no telling what I went through with you
Because once there's love and the next, is the blue
You are a puzzle I wish to never have solved
Like barnacles on skin, I wish I didn't get involved
It wasn't because I don't like you—you're just not the one
So I owe it to myself to save my soul while still not gone

Fairytales and modern romances tell me one thing
What's supposed to be love ends up vile and demeaning
Because I've spent my while believing those lies
Like how degradation and narcissism are allegedly nice
It's not—it's a sword plunged deep into your throat
It's hell on earth and heaven is nowhere on the boat
I fell into a trap meant to lure a depressed soul
How one toxic puddle went to another until the next haul
And I plunged right in, skipped in about a dozen too
I thought I was happy until I realized who's who
I was being chewed from the inside and on out
I owe it to myself to escape before it goes south

Pride and dignity are one thing but survival is another
Everyone is out to get me even in my slumber
That comfort, the promises and vows you offer
I took it like a depraved mind hoping for forever
And when I fought for air in a sea of breathless fools
I was told I was naive, selfish, broken with the right tools
This is not love, darling—it's never been from the start
I've seen the signs coming and I chose over it my heart
Where did that get me? A thousand miles away from home
Cussing like a sailor, chilled and terrified to the bone
Love, don't ever blame me for leaving the way I did
I owe it to myself to grow and destroy the masks I hid

And I did love you then, perhaps a little too strongly
What do I get back except demands and apathy?
It's wrong to trust people who aren't out to get me
I've learned my lesson, sir, so I'll not be lonely
Just another module to learn—that's what you are
A page in a chapter in a book with the ending not so far
You told me I won't die young and that I've got time
Yet you hold the knife and killed me with your tongue
It's a death that hurt, love, one that didn't quite finish too
I still feel it day by day, the scars I get to live through
I blame you but I should blame myself for having no clue
So I owe it to myself to move on and forget you

And I did love you then, perhaps a little too stronglyWhat do I get back except demands and apathy?It's wrong to trust people who aren't out to get meI've learned my lesson, sir, so I'll not be lonelyJust another module to learn—that's what you ar...

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Breaking silence about personal things in my life has never been my practice but for my sake, I guess it's high time. Most of you won't know what this is about but if it reaches the right ears, it's a message and most probably, a farewell.

I never get to have the last word and that's alright. You'll forever remain at the back of my mind until such time when the words you said don't hurt anymore and the scars you left have already faded. Until such time, love, you'll have these poems addressed to you but not really.

After all, it's all it is—just a story in the face of millions of others.

Dear reader, let me know what you think in the comments! uwu.

Dear reader, let me know what you think in the comments! uwu

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