My Random Mind

Entry 17

I broke.

I cried.

I let lots of things out.

But what started it brought back so much memories I couldn't stand it.

The memories of that broken house with a broken family. When the screaming and yelling kept me awake till the early morning light shone threw my window.

When I often cried my self to sleep wondering if my mom was gonna be alive and okay when I woke up?

And all this brings me to the really scary stuff. Like when HE almost broke my moms arm. Just because she wanted to comfort my crying brother because he was scared of the thunderstorm. That was the first time I saw him hit my mom.

It started happening more and more often in front of us. It even happened when friends were over.

One of my friends was scared of me after that. She thought I was like him too.

But even after I've thought of all thise horrible things there's still the worst one of all.

It was late june and we didnt go to our dads that summer. I was outside with all my brothers. The van came driving really fast into the driveway. My mom came out of it screaming and crying going to the back to get my baby brother. HE got mad and when my mom had unbuckled my brother he tried to back out of the driveway and could have killed my mom and my brother. But he stoped and they got out. She gave me my brother and I went to the play stuff to distract him so he didnt have to see it. But after some screaming I turned around and HE was coming toward us. I grabbed my brother holding him tight. HE slapped me and grabbed him outa my arms. I thought I would never see my baby brother again. HE got in the van and started to go out of the driveway. But I was praying to god that he wouldn't take him. And then the tire blew.

That was the day I fell in love with god. I will never forget this day.

And just so u know my chicken nuggets I haven't stopped crying yet.

I don't know when ill stop. The memories just keep flowing.and to add to them I keep hearing my brother and my step dad yelling and physically fighting in the background.

I wonder if this is the reason I don't let anybody in?

Maybe all my problems now are from HIM?