Going about his duties like clockwork, Alfred Pennyworth made his way throughout the many rooms at Wayne Manor with steady determination. Dusting the family relics among the thousands of surfaces takes time, but he managed to do so in record time with professionalism and care. To pass the time as he dusted, he occupied himself by reciting the history and names of each item he dusted. Ming vase, jade lion, authentic suit of armour, broken down grandfather clock.
Coming to a stop at the front door, he noticed Bruce Wayne standing in front of the still open door, holding a fish tank containing a singular fish bearing a great resemblance to Joker. Both men regarded the fish with curiosity and suspicion. Tucked between Bruce's index and third finger was a purple envelope without an address.
"What do we have here, sir?" He approached him with his hands crossed behind his back, raising his eyebrows inquisitively at both note and tank. "I wasn't aware that you were adopting another pet, I don't recall that fish were quite to your taste."
"They aren't. I'm going to have the envelope tested for explosives and traces of harmful substances. I'll be in the cave if you need me." He closed the door behind him with his foot, his arms being full with the tank. Struggling slightly to transport the tank without causing a spillage, he made his way towards the broken down grandfather clock. Shifting the tank to his waist so he could support it with one arm, looking as if he was a peasant from the victorian times with a basket of clothes on his hip, he used his free hand to trigger the mechanism that opened the entrance to the Batcave.
Side stepping down the stairs like a crab, Bruce carefully maneuvered himself in order to keep the fish safe. He was mostly certain that it was just that, a fish, but you could never be too careful. Obviously the fish belonged to or was associated with the Joker. There was always the possibility that the fish was implanted with a bomb, and he wanted to take all safety measures he could without wasting time and resources. Not, of course, that it mattered. He had the money to finance the loss of certain equipment, but time was something he did not have the luxury to waste. Cautiously, he set the tank down on a surface that he normally used for holding the food Alfred brought him. He wouldn't risk the chance that some of his state of the art technology would be damaged. It was hard to replace the effort that went into the batcomputer among other things.
"I have brought you your dinner, Master Bruce." Alfred emerged from the grandfather clock entrance, transporting a tray carrying a full, three course meal. As well as a disturbing looking smoothie. The glass containing the smoothie had been set to the side, and Alfred occasionally eyed it with disgust and repulsion. It was clear that he had only created such a drink out of orders from Bruce. With a distinct amount of distaste, Alfred went to set the tray down on the usual area then stopped upon noticing the unwelcome visitor that now occupied that space. Clearing his throat with a hint of annoyance, he instead placed the tray of food on the table meant for examining evidence where Bruce was currently focused on the envelope.
Momentarily distracted by the arrival of the food, he raised his eyes to meet Alfred's, "You know that this table is meant to be free from contamination, right? That includes food." He frowned, his eyebrows furrowing and he straightened up slightly. His usual habit of using his body language to appear more threatening coming through as he faced the butler.
His expression deadpan, he merely took a step back, intending to leave him to his work. He was unaffected by the obvious attempt at intimidating him as, by this point, he was used to this behaviour and knew that it meant nothing, "My apologies, sir, but the usual...drop off spot...is taken, and I had to improvise."
Pivoting himself in his chair, he reverted his attention to the envelope and slit it open with a letter opener. The second the envelope opened, a cloud of glitter coated Bruce's face and hands. In shock, he sat still for a moment before grabbing a needle containing the antidote he created against the joker toxin and injected himself with it. Having done that, he brushed the glitter from his hands and picked up the letter to read it.
"Hiya, Brucie! I thought that Finny deserved to live the life of a rich guy for the day! I hope you treat him well, or else I'll do everything you did to him but a thousand times worse. I'll be around to pick him up tomorrow morning! And don't you dare tell the police about this, or I'll have even more pets! -Joker"
The letter was written in an untidy, almost manic font. With closer inspection, Bruce confirmed that it was, in fact, Joker's handwriting. Leaning back in his chair, he pressed his intertwined fingers to his mouth and glowered at the fish, unimpressed. "I suppose I shall have to make do with your company for the time being. It does seem the safest route. I'll inform Batgirl of the situation. I believe she has some experience with household pets." He stood up and walked over to the comm system to let her know about the development.
From within his tank, Finny exhaled a stream of excited bubbles, swimming in circles and figure eights around the water within the bowl, the new environment and the change in people surrounding him bringing energy into his movements despite the hunger. Bruce had forgotten to request that Alfred bring some food for the fish. Perhaps Barbara would bring some for him.
YOU ARE READING
Fish and Bits
FanfictionA series of short stories involving the Joker's pet fish, Finny, as well as several other character such as Two-Face and Catwoman. Not romantic, obviously.
