Fish and Bits

The Funeral

A/n- this chapter leans heavily on the topic of death, so warning if that bothers you.

     Somehow, there was a coffin. Joker had managed to procure a fitted coffin for Finny. It was high quality, not just a painted matchbox or a soap box covered in papier-mâché. It had been crafted from mahogany, fitted custom to the deceased. Within the coffin, since it was an open funeral, the sides were lined with fine cloth and satin. A miniature bouquet of flowers, consisting of white lily petals, orchids and a singular purple rose. 

     The lifeless body of Finny laid on its back. His mouth was gaping, as no one had been able to close it and keep it closed. Although, there had been several suggestions. (Harvey offered to hot glue it, Selina thought that sewing it would be the best option. Both of them almost had their invitations revoked from a very unamused Joker). The eyes also remained open, though covered by small fragments of cut cloth which had been soaked in water. This was in order to prevent the fish's eyes from drying out and simultaneously covering the eyes to make them less unsetting to see.

     In attendance was everyone Finny had spent the last two weeks with, yet not everyone was there of their own free will. Up front, nearest to the coffin was Joker. He had refused to share the front row with anyone, insisting that he and he alone had truly cared for the fish. Occasionally, he would snap and accuse people of not loving Finny enough to sit up front. Everyone, despite not agreeing with him, tolerated this behaviour as it was justified, for once.

     In the second row sat Harley, Harvey, Riddler and Jonny. Harley had purposely sat directly behind Joker, as she hadn't been permitted to sit up front with him. Her high pitched, sniffling sobs were one of the only sounds in the room. Occasionally, Joker shushed her and blew into his own handkerchief. He didn't expect or even want anyone to be as upset as he was, and Harley's obvious show of emotion annoyed him. To him, the funeral was a way of proving that he cared the most for the deceased, and no one else even compared. Of course, he did mourn his pet, but as with everything he found some perverse humour in it.

    Standing awkwardly in the very back, behind Lex, Selina, Ivy and Scarecrow was Batman, Nightwing and Batgirl. The latter pair had been perfectly content to remain at the batcave or go patrolling, but Alfred had convinced them that it was only polite to attend the funeral seeing as it was partly their fault that Finny died. Batman accompanied them as he didn't trust them around Joker, specifically not Batgirl. He kept a watchful eye on the clown, feeling no sympathy towards him despite the obvious pain on his face. 

     Nightwing discreetly held an ice pack to his black eye, his shoulder was wrapped in bandages and hung close to his chest in a sling. The gunshot from earlier had been expertly repaired by Alfred, and Nightwing had been allowed to avoid two days in bed by attending Finny's funeral. He was barely paying attention to the funeral, not that he could if he wanted. Due do the bullet that had been embedded in his shoulder muscle, the pain had been so intense that Alfred had to medicate him. Currently, he only felt a pleasant fuzzy feeling and was lost deep in his thoughts of jellyfish, for some obscure reason.

     Although she couldn't be seen, Diana crouched on a rooftop, observing the funeral from her vantage point in order to avoid being spotted. Her expression was morose, yet at the same time confused. Something about this scenario was....wrong, yet she couldn't place where the feeling was coming from. It wasn't supposed to end like this, they had had a plan.

     The awkward silence was interrupted as Joker stood up and made his way to the casket. Blowing his nose one last time into his handkerchief, he collected himself and faced the crowd. He stood with his shoulders back, taking on an expression of seriousness and mourning. He cleared his throat and addressed everyone, his voice wavering a little with suppressed sadness. However, he did have his flaws. A smile continuously appeared and he had to hide it immediately. He may have been a good actor, but he was an arrogant one. Too proud of his performance to keep it up steadily. Luckily, no one really cared to notice. "Ladies and Gentlemen," He paused, "And Batsy-" He suppressed a giggle, "-we are gathered here today to see Finny the fish off to fish heaven. He lived a horrid life, yet he saw it all through with a smile! And if it had not been for Jonny-" He paused again to glare hatefully at Jonny then continued, smiling sadly, "-then he might have still been with us for another year. Or month, depending on how hungry Bud and Lou got!" The sharp laugh that followed startled the entire crowd, Nightwing fell down in the back and Batgirl had to help him up, and from then he had to lean against Batman for support.

     "Ahem. Anyways. I will forever be in mourning over my dear friend, the smell of cookies will never again be the same, the screams of the innocent will never bring me as much joy as they did with my friend by my side, but somehow I'm still going to make them scream all the same." He wiped a crocodile tear from the corner of his eye and sighed, shaking his head solemnly. "And now, dear friends and the Bat freaks, I implore you to take a moment of silence for the dearly departed." He lowered his head, and the rest of the crowd mimicked his action. All except for Nightwing, who was having an avid conversation with the air to his left, presumably he was talking with a unicorn about politics.

     A mere minute later, Joker shocked them all back to reality with an ear shattering laugh. Although it did not come from him. He had set off a tape recorder on which he had stored the tortured laughs of maybe a hundred people. It was clear that he intended to play this in place of an orchestra. Motioning to two of his thugs, they quickly came and slowly lowered the casket into the comically large hole in the ground. Within seconds they had filled the hole over with dirt and now dutifully stood beside their work, shovels over their shoulders in the way one would hold a bayonet. 

     Slowly the guests parted. First to leave were Batman, Nightwing and Batgirl. If you had asked anyone, they would admit that they hadn't noticed them go. Next was Lex, who curtly nodded his head at Joker in a way of saying goodbye. The others trickled out in no distinct order. Soon, only Joker and Jonny were left, along with the fifty or so corpses Joker had filled the empty rows and seats with. He couldn't have an empty funeral for his best friend.

     "I'm uh- I'm sorry, sir-" Jonny spoke after an interval of awkward, deafening silence. He scrutinized his left shoe, choosing to avert his eyes from the clown.

     "I don't want to hear it, I was probably going to kill him in a week anyhow!" He burst out into maniacal laughter, clutching at his sides as his muscles cramped with effort. Real tears streamed down his cheeks as Jonny watched in astonishment and a good amount of fear. "Ah, but it doesn't matter. Whaddaya say that we go get something to drink? It's on you." Smiling, he wrapped his arm around Jonny's shoulders and steered him away from the fresh grave, leading him towards a new, probably stolen, car.

     Inside the casket, Finny smiled, taking a final deep breath.