What Once I Was

Chapter 2

Robert had left for work before the sun rose the next morning with no goodbye. I'd woken, arm outstretched into emptiness. His side of the bed was cold against my fingertips. I sat upright, calling Rover so that some of the void next to me could be filled.

The sun smiled through a gap in the curtains, creating beautiful rainbows on the adjacent wall. The promise of a rare, cloudless April day. Though I had no-one to enjoy it with, I was determined to make the most of such weather. It wasn't often we had sunshine, even if the wind was bitter. It was nothing a nice cardigan couldn't aid with. Besides, there was something quite quaint about the flowers starting to bud and the animals foraging about that I found fascinating. 

Propped against a pillow, I let the loneliness consume me. Let it escape down my cheeks. The house had become overwhelmingly large over the years; too large for my company. My eyes fell upon Robert's bookcase, alphabetised in his bid for perfection and order. Not a page to be bent. Not a speck of dust to be seen. Everything had to be just so. Not like my own bookshelf with endless paperbacks slotted where they might fit. It surprised my friends actually. It was the complete opposite of how I was outside of my home. 

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"Do you not work, Mrs Collins?" The first police officer, who I'd discovered was called Ben, inquired.

"I work at our local library a few days a week," I nod, turning my gaze towards the second officer, Gary, he had said. He seemed the more compassionate of the two. "I couldn't stomach my work as a nurse after we lost Naomi."

"Lost Naomi?" Ben repeats, eyes narrowing.

"Lost, taken. They're the same thing." I meet his stare, careful to hide the heat rising, the anger threatening to spill over. The accusation in his tone is thick and inescapable.

"Lost things are often misplaced, would you not agree? Did you misplace Naomi?"

I wipe my clammy hands on my pencil skirt, heart pounding through my blouse. The tapping of my foot fills the silence that stretches between us. Ben's gaze doesn't waver. I shrink into myself, arms folded, the handcuffs cool against my sore wrists.

"Can I finish my story, please?"

Ben leans closer, nodding once. The breath halts in my throat. This isn't going to plan. Not even close.

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I'd eventually forced myself from the warmth of our bed. It was a Wednesday morning and my shift at the library was due to start at 11. I'd showered in haste, wanting to take Rover for a quick walk before leaving.

Work was quiet when I arrived; no different to any other day, really. A few parents arrived around noon for their baby bounce group. Oh, I adored when the babies came for a visit. Their laughter would fill the room and remind me so very much of Naomi at their age.

I'd watched them, a smile on my face, as I'd stacked the returns books into their designated spots. One woman had become a well loved regular at the library. With her bouncy blonde haired daughter full of enthusiasm as she scanned the shelves for their next bedtime read, she reminded me the most of Naomi.

Naomi loved We're Going on a Bear Hunt and in the months prior to her... disappearance... she'd beg Robert and I to read it to her every night. Some nights at least twice.

It was as I watched the group that a lone woman standing in the crime section caught my eye. She wasn't the most remarkable person; her hair was a dirty shade of blonde, she was average height and weight.

No, it wasn't the way she looked that drew my attention her way. It was how she stared at me. To say I felt uncomfortable would have been an understatement. Her eyes, like a sniper's dot, stayed on me as I moved between the shelves.