My Secret Lover

Chapter 16

Pov. Park Sunghoon*

Today was the day. The long-awaited competition was coming up.
Namra and I sat nervously on the stands in the ice rink in Seoul. Next to us was our coach, who was busy with paperwork. This morning she spoke to us again individually and gave each of us a lot of strength and energy for today's dance. She gave us a lot of courage in the hope that we would come back to our senses and get along again. But on the contrary, between Namra and me there was still a strange and unpleasant atmosphere.

There was chaos inside me, and I didn't know where to go with these feelings.

"Oh, that's a point deduction! Did you see how wobbly the girl landed on the skids?" Mrs. Jung pulled me out of my thoughts. Mutely Namra and I nodded.
"Shit, I don't know what happened between you, but please don't do anything stupid on the ice. Can you please get along again? You didn't train for so long just to miss it because of a little fight or whatever happened!", Mrs. Jung got annoyed and sighed.

Small fight? A gigantic one would rather apply...

"I won't lift a finger, he screwed everything up..." hissed Namra suddenly, crossing her legs and resting her head against her bent arms.

So, she does have a voice?

"Seriously?"
She rolled her eyes in reply.
Heatedly, I grabbed her wrist and rose. "Let go of me!"

My action was a little rough, I know. I probably did it out of frustration and despair, fear, and other emotions that had been raging inside me since the party.

"We need to talk," I said bluntly, tugging lightly on her track jacket. "I don't want to talk to you!" Annoyed, I snorted at her response. "Don't act so childish, who's older here? You or me?", I snarled, but realized I wasn't going to get far with my current mood. "Shut the fuck up, don't act like you're more mature and educated than me!"
My eyes wandered to Mrs. Jung, who shrugged nervously and crossed her arms tensely in front of her. "Please," I muttered. Still, Namra refused, which is why I crouched down and tried to look into her eyes. "Let's clear the barrier to the point where we can at least work together," I asked her, and I could see small tears in her eyes. Embarrassed, she wiped them away and stood up. "Alright. I'm not doing this because you want me to, though. It's my own will!" she said and took a deep breath in and out, straightened her costume, and rose. Together we walked down the bleachers, past the rink, until we stopped near the booths.

There weren't many people there, so it was clear to speak plainly.

"So... since the party and the kiss-", I began, but was interrupted by her crying.

Standing in front of me was no longer the cold Namra of just now, but a totally frustrated one who looked me fixedly in the eyes.

"I shouldn't have kissed you. Not while spinning bottles, nor on the dance floor. I didn't realize it made you uncomfortable... I was so confused damn it, even now I don't know where to go with this emotional chaos," Namra fretted, holding a fist against her forehead as tears flowed unhindered down her cheeks. "I've ruined everything and dragged you into this shitty situation. Still, you didn't have to humiliate me like that in front of everyone. I didn't want to yell at you on the dance floor, but you took it so far... I'm sorry, but I love you...!" she confessed openly, wiping her runny nose with her track jacket.

I honestly wasn't surprised at all before her confession. I wasn't stupid, it was obvious that she wanted something from me. But I ignored it and got out of the way which was maybe not optimal.

"It always takes two people to make a kiss so don't put all the blame on you. I should have reacted differently! Must have looked too deep into the glass, which is why I can't remember the party night... But I don't excuse my behavior, I decided to drink so much alcohol myself. Therefore, I apologize from the bottom of my heart and hope that you forgive me," I said, and it felt good to talk to her.

Although I still felt like the biggest asshole, but inwardly hoped that we could both learn from the experience.

She began to cry bitterly and pulled me into a warm embrace. Namra put her head in the crook of my neck and murmured, "Thank you Sunghoon, I was so afraid I was going to lose you!"
"Thank you...!"
We slowly disengaged and looked into each other's eyes. "I want to know one thing though. What level are we on with each other...? We're on a platonic level, right?" she asked hesitantly, nervously I bit my lower lip.

Suddenly Jake came to mind, it felt like he was watching me to find out what I wanted to say to Namra. Because of such ever-emerging trains of thought, I become more and more aware of how important he became to me over time. It seemed like this was more than just an ordinary or one-time thing between Jake and me. However, I wasn't sure about my feelings myself yet and didn't know what I wanted at all.

"Platonic," I said briefly. Slowly, she nodded in affirmation. "Anyway, let's win the competition first and bring home the medal!"

(...)

After all the hullabaloo, everything went very quickly. Namra put on her makeup, and we warmed up for the couple dance. Mrs. Jung was shocked to see us laughing again while she excitedly tugged at our costumes.

"Next up; Lee Namra, 21 years young, and Park Sunghoon, 19 years young, from the Arisu Seoul Figure Skating Club!" The announcement came loudly over the speakers. Shortly after, we took off our blade schooners and entered the ice rink hand in hand. We skated one lane and then stopped in the middle to get into position.
In the stadium it became very quiet, only the music could be heard. Soft sounds filled the hall and a few seconds later our mission followed. Matching the music, we move over the ice. Turning pirouettes and jumped figures. Finally, we set off synchronously for a jump, landed, and pushed right back off the ice to spin again in the air. We continued to glide backward, our eyes fixed on each other and full of emotion.
The next three minutes went faster than I thought and by the time I knew it, we were standing in our final poses, breathing heavily. Loud clapping enveloped us as Namra, and I fixed our gazes on the judges. I felt like I was reborn, full of life and euphoria. I would have loved to do the dance again, but it was time to leave the ice. Mrs. Jung already welcomed us with open arms and jumped up and down joyfully. "You were great!" she squealed and took us in her arms as we got off the rink. She broke away from us and looked at our happy faces. "That was awesome Nam. You'll win for sure!" My eyes drifted to the limping Heeseung, who appeared behind Mrs. Jung. Right after that, Jake was in sight. Unnoticed, I bit my lip, glad to see him. But I knew he was there because of Nam and Hee.

Inwardly, I was hoping to get a certain reaction, an affection, more like attention from Jake. But I had to focus on my feelings now. The urge was high, but now I had settled the matter between Nam and myself and had a competition behind me. I should follow up one thing at a time and not expect others to come at me. Now I had to take the rudder into my own hands.

"We Hee. Hoon and I do couple dancing, we both rocked it," Nam said, casually putting an arm around my shoulder. Questioningly, her brother raised a brow. "Yesterday you said you hated him like the plague. I went shopping at 7-Eleven this morning specifically to throw a party tonight. You know, because you're not obsessed anymore..." exclaimed Heeseung, not dignifying me with a glance as usual.

Stay calm Hoon, just don't freak out. It's no use with this guy anyway...

"YA! I never said that!" growled Namra.

Whether she lied or not I did not know. But I wouldn't hold it against her if she claimed that she hated me like the plague. I was currently kind of doing it too...?

"You guys are good together again?" asked Hee skeptically.
"Yeah!" grinned Nam. Jake gave a long whistle and then pursed his lips. Hee immediately looked at me puzzled as well but shook his head afterward. "Well, I'll never understand you figure skaters..."

Don't worry Hee, I don't understand myself either...