My Secret Lover

Chapter 42

Pov. Sim Jake*

After the quarrel, I had nothing better to do than to go to the Winter Prom despite everything.

I imagined getting drunk there to forget the whole thing for at least a brief moment.

But instead, I had spent the whole evening watching a gay couple like a masochists from one of the side benches of the hall.

They probably came out recently, as I heard from a group of girls at the cocktail bar.

I watched them dance slowly and put their arms around each other as if they were completely safe. As if nothing bad could happen to them. As if no one would make fun of them. As if their friends wouldn't stop loving them. As if they wouldn't abandon them.

As if everything is fine as long as we have each other...

My heart contracted at the thought as my vision blurred and the lights in the room took on colored edges. I pushed back the tears, quickly wiped them from my cheeks with my sleeve, and continued to watch the two of them like a peeping tom. Only when it became painful did I look away.

In my mind was Sunghoon. I lingered on the beautiful memory of him and held on to it, even though it would soon fade.

"Hey, Jake? Are you okay?", I heard someone ask. I looked up and glanced at Jay's face. I quickly wiped my cheeks again and nodded. "I'm fine!", I lied and grinned. "I'm going out for a bit and need some company. You come?" he asked me with a somewhat glum look on his face.

He probably didn't have a phenomenal night either.

"Yeah, sure!" I gave the couple another quick look before getting up, putting on my jacket, and walking with Jay to a ping-pong table on campus. We leaned against it but couldn't sit on it because it was still snowing and the ping pong table was covered in snow. The snow was really glistening off the side light of the university.

Most would consider the moment and the sight of snow magical, but I only associated it with negatives now.

At the thought of Sunghoon's words and the flakes falling gently from the sky at the same time, the heartache was released in me.

His words were not as gentle as the flakes, and the beautiful glow faded.

Again, I swallowed the heavy lump in my throat and raised my head to keep the nascent tears from dripping down.
Suddenly, I heard a lighter snap open. My eyes wandered to Jay, and a pale cloud of smoke appeared around his mouth, slowly rising. Indecisively, I looked at the thing he was holding. "Can I steal one from you?", I asked, nodding toward the cigarette. Jay smiled. "You can. But you don't have to."
"I'm really... stressed," I said hesitantly.
With that answer, Jay was satisfied. He pulled a cigarette out of the box and handed it to me, along with the neon red lighter. I took both, put the cigarette between my lips, and flicked the lighter with my thumb.
Fortunately, the cold winter air was blowing, and I had an excuse not to smoke after all. The flame went out before it could even reach the cigarette.

The flame went out... like Sunghoon's love for me.

"I just wanted to apologize for what happened this afternoon. By the bathrooms... I didn't mean to pressure you or anything, I was just worried," Jay began, watching me as I tried to relight the cigarette. I, however, just nodded my head slightly, eyes fixed on the lighter. "No big deal, it's already forgotten. I'm sorry for being so ... prickly. Wasn't my day," I apologized now too.
"I thought you weren't coming at all. Where have you been? Why are you so late?" asked Jay afterward, taking another deep drag on his cigarette before blowing out a big cloud of smoke again. "I had something to do," I muttered, trying to light the cigarette for the fifth time, again failing. "You're such a newbie, you'd better not smoke. It's bad for your health." Jay took the cigarette out of my mouth, took the lighter, and put it back in the box.
"Says the right guy. Thought you were going to quit?"
"Don't change the subject, it's about you. What's going on with you? Is it because of Sunghoon?" When he said Hoon's name out loud, I felt ice cold.